


Pride 2020

by River_of_Dawn



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Aromantic Character, Aromantic Dean Winchester, Asexual Castiel (Supernatural), Asexual Character, Bigender Character, Bisexual Character, Bisexual Dean Winchester, Canon Gay Character, Canon Gay Relationship, Canon Lesbian Character, Coming Out, Confused Jack Kline, Demiboy Character, Demigirl Character, Demisexual Character, F/F, F/M, Fanart, Fluff, Gen, Gender-Neutral Pronouns, Genderfluid Character, Genderqueer Character, Genderqueer Dean Winchester, Humor, Intersex Character, LGBTQ Character, LGBTQ Themes, Lesbian Character, Light Angst, M/M, MTF character, Multi, Nonbinary Character, Other, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Pansexual Character, Pansexual Gabriel (Supernatural), Polyamory, Polysexual Character, Pride, Pride Parades, Queer Character, Queer Sam Winchester, Queerplatonic Castiel/Dean Winchester - Freeform, Queerplatonic Relationships, Questioning, Skoliosexual Character, Trans Character, Trans Female Character, Trans Female Sam Winchester, Trans Male Character, Unrequited Love, With every new chapter, graysexual character, omnisexual character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-01
Updated: 2020-06-30
Packaged: 2021-03-03 02:21:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 30
Words: 32,903
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24487366
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/River_of_Dawn/pseuds/River_of_Dawn
Summary: LGBTQ+ themed OS - one for every day of Pride MonthTags are added when chapters are addedOr in other words: Project 'Make Supernatural as gay (and bi and trans and ace andrainbow) as possible'
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester, Castiel/Gabriel/Dean Winchester/Sam Winchester, Castiel/Sam Winchester
Comments: 40
Kudos: 81





	1. Lesbian

**Author's Note:**

> Hello!
> 
> This is a huge project of mine. I will be posting one OS every day throughout the month -- all of them in the Supernatural fandom and as close to canon as possible. Each OS is aimed to be just above 1000 words but they might as well be a bit longer. None of them should be longer than 1500 words though.
> 
> I got this idea at the end of April/beginning of May and started writing and collecting ideas at that exact moment. I'm still missing the last five chapters, but I'm sure I'll get them done as well ;)
> 
> This story begins with our most beloved Charlie Bradbury and then goes through various other characters and identities as June continues. Many of them will be minor characters, but a lot of them will focus on our beloved heroes as well.
> 
> Every chapter will have its own tags in the description for the chapter itself and the tags above are only for the main character/ship that is mentioned in the OS, so it doesn't get too much. For warnings and spoilers please make sure to look at the tags on each chapter! If there's anything that triggered you or anything that I've forgotten to tag, please leave a comment, so I can add that. I don't care what it is, I'll add it. Please stay safe!
> 
>  **Disclaimer:** I do not own Supernatural. It would've been a lot more gayer.
> 
> With that all said and done: Happy Pride!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **SPOILER: S07E20  
>  CHARACTER: Charlie Bradbury  
> WARNINGS: mentions of homophobia, some mild language (but if this freaks you out, you probably shouldn't watch the show) (also, I won't tag swearing from now on, because swearing is as canon as it gets)**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Charlie was an absolute must have in this fanfiction, so here's our Lesbian Queen. I hope I got her right ;)
> 
> Since I'm aro/ace I often make mistakes when it comes to writing attraction -- feel free to leave me a comment if you notice anything I could have done better. I already had one of my allo friends read over it, but you know how it is. You can't get everything right.
> 
> Also, don't expect any art from my side for the next chapters. This was most likely a one-time thing. You can leave me your art however. [I've got a Tumblr now ;)](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/river-of-dawn)

If there was one thing Charlie knew it was the fact that she was one hundred percent over the top lesbian. And a top lesbian, if you got her drift. If not more like Top Lesbian™ because there was no way she could be any gayer. If that was a thing, that is.

It was just... Look at a woman and what do you see? Perfection. Soft curves, warm smiles, humor and laughter and they were just perfect.

Look at a man and what do you see? None of that. Not that men couldn't be funny and all that, but it just wasn't the same.

Being gay was something Charlie had come to terms with a long time ago. And, hey, nothing wrong with it, right? Other than the fact that according to _some_ she was a sinner and going to rot in hell – but since she didn't believe in hell – or Christianity itself for that matter – that really wasn't something she had thought about.

Noticed the past tense?

Yes. Because now those two idiots – and, boy, was her gaydar lighting up – had bumbled into her life and by now it was all thrown away. She had worked on that cover for months in order to make it really nice and she had lived as Charlie Bradbury for even longer. If she was being honest, she even thought of herself as Charlie now and that had never happened with any other cover before.

And now she could just start all over again – just as she had managed to catch the eye of the beautiful waitress – who had stunning blond hair – and build herself a new life. If this kept going on, then the only part of herself that would remain constant would be the princess Leia tattoo and her Hermione figure. Oh, and the fact that she was gay.

But it was sad that she had to give up the waitress. Not that it would have worked out for sure – with a haircut like that the chance that she was a bottom or a vers had been very low – but it probably would've made for an amazing night anyway.

As she leaned her head against the window of the bus, she couldn't help but chuckle at herself. You flirt with a guy one time and suddenly you're being ultra-gay, huh? Confirming to yourself that you're still gay despite having flirted with a guy once. To be honest, that whole experience had just cemented the fact that she's lesbian.

Getting a guy to flirt for you with a guy is just peak chaotic gay culture.

Anyways, the point was, that now she had this dilemma of knowing that there was more in the world than just normal everyday mundane muggle things – there were also all kinds of monsters. And hell and heaven and all that stuff probably had a shot at existing as well. Which means that the dumb bible dude from three blocks over could've been right. That there was a hell. And that being gay was a sin.

And whilst that wasn't a thought Charlie would like to entertain any longer, it was just stuck in her head, screaming on her as if stuck on a loop.

She thumped her head against the window pane, then stared at the slight smear it left behind.

_Get a grip, Charlie!_

She had never been afraid of this before – and why should she? Loving others was a beautiful, beautiful thing – but it was just... stuck.

The bus driving over a pothole and jarring her bandaged arm shook her out of her thoughts.

Why was she so hung up about all this? Wasn't she the one who had assured little gaybies when they had first found out about being non-hetero that they wouldn't go to hell? Wasn't she the one who had walked in a pride parade past homophobic religious assholes and showed them the finger? Wasn't she past this phase of self-doubt?

Charlie nodded to herself, got out her laptop and started working. There were funds to be redistributed and gaybies to be assured that there wasn't anything wrong with them for not being as hetero as the world demanded them to be.

Because there really wasn't anything wrong with being gay, no matter what the big man in the sky might have possibly said once.

As long as she was happy – and didn't gay mean happy – there was nothing wrong with being gay.

Love is love, bitches!

… Did she just call a possibly existing God a bitch?

Well, if being gay wasn't a sin, then that would have surely earned her her ticket to hell – if such a place even existed.

She let her gaze swipe over the bus as her browser loaded, eyes catching on gorgeous flowing locks belonging to a woman a few seats down. Her hair was a dark blonde – kinda like that Dean dude's – and now she couldn't look at the woman like that anymore.

A shame.

The website had finally loaded and Charlie started working on her new ID. She was almost tempted to put a rainbow in her picture, before shrugging and just making a second ID with a rainbow. Taste the rainbow, I am right?

… Maybe her next apartment should have a giant rainbow flag on the back wall? Next to a giant poster of Scarlett Johansson. And maybe another with Captain Marvel to make it reach levels of Ultra-Gay™ in a way that none of her apartments had reached before. And a rainbow rug and rainbow blinds.

Charlie grinned. Maybe one day she would do that. And when she had that apartment she would cut her hair short and get a cat and live only in heaps of flannel shirts... Which reminded her of the Winchesters again.

She was never gonna get rid of them, was she?

In that case she should probably start trying to dig up some dirt on them. What was a little blackmailing under ~~friends~~ acquaintances anyways, right?

* * *

When she stumbled across the Supernatural books by accidents she knew she wouldn't have to dig for blackmail anymore. Someone had already compiled every bit of blackmail and whoever it was was a saint. Seriously.

Also, Dean was _so_ bi. She knew her gaydar had been right.


	2. Gay

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **SPOILER: S05E09  
>  CHARACTER: Barnes  
> WARNINGS: mentions of bullying and homophobia**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I absolutely loved Barnes and Damien. They were such a cute couple, completely without any negative stereotypes and their sexuality wasn't made into a huge deal.
> 
> So I just had to include them.
> 
> ~~it was just an excuse to write them~~

Barnes had always been the kind of kid that was bullied in school. He was a bit gangly, unassuming and a huge nerd. Oh, and he was gay. Not that anybody knew about that. No reason to encourage bullying.

Combining that with the fact that he was just _good_ at science... It hadn't been a surprise to him, nor to his parents that he got bullied.

When he graduated his first goal was to move away from his home town – away from the bullying. His parents supported him, until they found out that he was gay. From that moment on they cut his funds and disowned him.

Still, he made it work, getting a job selling stereo equipment. It wasn't anything he really liked, but it paid the bills well enough so he kept doing it.

In his free time though he read books and watched movies. To Barnes being a nerd was just part of his personality.

And then – it was September 2006 – he stumbled across a book called _Supernatural_. The story itself wasn't what grabbed his attention, nor did the cringe-worthy cover. What grabbed his attention were the two brothers. Dean was just about everything he had ever wished for. As a partner or as a brother. Just... someone who was so endlessly supportive, willing to do everything for his little brother, so... _caring_... It struck a nerve.

Over the course of the next months Barnes became almost obsessed over the books, first buying all the books that were already published, then waiting for the next eagerly. The speed with which those books were published was amazing – most authors wrote two books a year at most – and the content was always some new kind of monster.

Then he discovered the Supernatural chat room online.

It was only a small chatroom – maybe hundred users top – but all of them were fans of the books.

First he introduced himself carefully, trying to not give out too many of his personal information, but then he met Dean1977. They struck up a conversation in a private chat and it just clicked between them. Early on they admitted that they weren't quite straight – and, holy crap, getting a positive reaction to being outed as gay was amazing – and then later on started sharing their names, addresses...

They first met up in the summer of 2007.

Dean 1977 – or Damien as it turned out – was a really nice guy. He was always excited and positive and it was love at first sight. As if confirming that they were meant for each other, they soon started cosplaying together. Damien as Dean and Barnes as Sam.

Being Sam was overwhelmingly good. As Sam he could save the world from monsters and he had a partner he could count on.

A year later they bought their own shared apartment. The neighbors were mostly cool with living next to a gay couple which was a huge relief for both of them. Also, they were able to continue cosplaying together, by now knowing all the lines by heart.

Sometimes, when Damien was cooking he would just turn around and quote Dean and Barnes would just quote Sam and they made it work and it was perfect.

The last Supernatural book to be printed before the publisher went bankrupt was No Rest For The Wicked and Barnes wasn't ashamed to admit that he had cried at that announcement because you couldn't just stop publishing with Dean in hell!

Then there was the announcement for a Supernatural convention with Carver Edlund and he only had to look at Damien once. They were so going to that convention!

When they arrived and saw all the Impalas in the parking lot, Damien gripped his arm and said in an awed whisper: “Look at these beauties...” Barnes nodded, speechless.

This was gonna be awesome.

Then Carver Edlund _Carver Edlund, holy shit,_ called him up as the first person to ask a question and it was official: This was the best. Thing. Ever.

Also, there was a ghost hunt. Awesome.

When it turned out that the ghosts were real and they had to exhume several bodies it wasn't quite that awesome, but still... Holy. Shit.

One of the other cosplayers had said that he was the real Dean, which was a bit weird, but he had known all that stuff, but Sam and Dean weren't real, right? But then again, ghosts weren't supposed to be real either, which... Yeah.

Fact was, even when he was back with Damien and they were cuddling on the couch and watching some soap opera – because that had been enough horror to last him a few years. Or days – the giddy feeling hadn't quite vanished yet.

Damien seemed to sense this, because he shut the TV off and looked at him.

“Are you okay, babe?”

“I... I dunno. Just, you remember those two guys and how they called themselves Sam and Dean?”

“How could I forget them?”

“Yeah, so I was thinking... Their mannerisms were just so spot on and they knew all of that stuff... So what if they really were Sam and Dean?”

“You think?”

“I just... that would be cool, right?”

“Yeah. That would be pretty awesome.”

They grinned at each other, then Damien frowned suddenly.

“Wait... so you're saying we probably called Sam and Dean Bobby and Rufus?”

They looked at each other, then burst out laughing.

“Just a theory, De.” Barnes shrugged.

“Yeah. But it would've been cool to meet them.”

“Sure. But you know what, De? You're my Dean and I wouldn't exchange you for any other, no matter how many books are written about that one.”

“Thanks, babe. You too.”

Damien started the soap opera back up and they leaned back against each other. Because who needed a Sam and Dean if they had each other, right?

Barnes turned around and kissed his partner and it was soft and slow and perfect and so much better than any hunt they could ever stumble across. Because they might not save the world, but in a way they had saved each other, carving out their own little corner of the world. A corner with Star Trek posters and Supernatural books lining the shelves and a soap opera playing on the shitty small TV.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, I'm Aro/Ace and if there are any tips on how to deal with allo relationships please tell me :D
> 
> Also, feel free to leave some feedback -- that really helps with writing more stuff.
> 
> And don't worry, soon we'll get to our more well-known characters.


	3. Bisexual

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **SPOILER: general S03 spoilers  
>  CHARACTER: Dean Winchester  
> WARNINGS: mild homophobia mentioned; implied hetero sex; implied homo sex; mentions of Canon Mayor Character Death (end S03); forced coming out**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the chapter that everybody knew would be coming. Bisexual!Dean Winchester.
> 
> I set this during the last episodes of season three, so if you don't know what's going on in season three this contains major spoilers.
> 
> Also, I probably made this way angstier than it should be. I'm not really sorry though, because I basically only know how to write angst. Except for my Supernatural/Buzzfeed Unsolved Crossover. That one's funny.

“Such a ladies man,” his dad would say. And Dean would nod and smile and then never talk about it again. Never mention that it hadn't been a lady he'd been with, but a guy. And that it hadn't just been experimenting or whatever, but that he liked guys.

He was pretty sure Sam knew already and that was all that counted.

Also, he knew his dad wasn't gonna approve.

So Dean was a ladies man. And when he went out once in a while with a dude, then his dad would not know. And Dean would nod and smile and never talk about it again.

He had only made the mistake of mentioning that a guy looked good once. His dad had turned around and looked so angry and disappointed that Dean had frozen and said: “I mean, I wish I looked like that. Look at these muscles – he must be super strong.”

And his dad had relaxed and laughed – a bit gruff and rough, just as always – and Dean just knew that his dad could never find out that he didn't want to look like the guy – he had fake-tanned skin, for God's sake – but that he just wanted that man to look at him, compliment him and maybe – just maybe – take things a step further, make things more private and intense, just like in some of his dreams – dreams that were dreamed and then forgotten about to be never talked about again.

Was there something wrong with him?

It had been a common question in his youth and it had always left Dean shaking, afraid that his dad would find out and just throw him out. Because if Dad threw him out who would care for Sam? Sam had only been ten years old by the time Dean figured that he might just like guys as well as girls.

So he never told anyone.

And he never ogled Jim – the quarterback – in the changing rooms.

Well, maybe a bit, but that didn't count. Also, with a six-pack like that – how could he not?

Whenever he had the chance he would pick up girls and enjoy a night with them, but whenever the longing struck to just once try out something with a guy there was always this voice in the back of his head, sounding just like his dad's voice that just stopped him in his tracks and left him reeling.

After Dad died things got easier. The voice in his head calmed down, was a lot more quiet. Still, he didn't see any guys.

He was too old to be this inexperienced, who would want him anyways, and he couldn't just go in a gay bar and demand to be on top because he was afraid and really didn't want to be on bottom anyways.

When his contract was running out, Dean just went to a gay bar.

It was easier than he thought it would be – sneaking out of the motel room whilst Sam was sleeping, taking the long way and walking there, so the Impala wouldn't wake him up.

Glancing at the brightly lit building on the other side of the street Dean swallowed and crossed the street, passing the bouncer easily and entering the hot and sweaty air of the club.

The experience was altogether new and left him reeling. There were hot men and beautiful ladies all over the place and he knew that he wouldn't be judged for looking at the men and that alone was such a novel feeling.

Then he managed to catch the eye of a handsome man at the bar and they spent the rest of the night together.

When Dean arrived back at the motel, Sam was already awake, sitting on his bed hunched over the laptop on his lap.

“I... Uh, I brought breakfast,” Dean announced, his excuse at the ready.

“Uh-huh,” Sam nodded. “And that took you... at least two hours,” he confirmed with a look at his watch and Dean felt like cursing.

“So what? I enjoyed a night with a hot lady.”

“And I would believe you that – except for the fact that I wasn't asleep and followed you when you were leaving.”

Dean felt the floor underneath him swaying and his breathing quickened.

“Hey! Hey, Dean, it's okay!” 

There was a hand on his arm, guiding him to sit on one of the ratty blankets.

“I've... I've actually suspected for a while,” Sam confessed.

“You... you have?” Dean chanced a look at his brother, taken aback by the warmth he saw in those familiar eyes.

“Of course. You're my brother, Dean.”

“But... I'm not gay or anything like that.”

“With the way you look at ladies? Yeah, didn't think so.” Sam laughed and it was an easy laugh and Dean felt the muscles in his shoulders relaxing. “There is such a thing as being bisexual, you know?”

“Bisexual?” Dean tested the new word. _Bi_ , Greek for two. Two-sexual?

“Yeah. You know, being attracted to both men and women.”

“That's a thing?”

“Sure.” And Sam looked so at ease, as if this was common knowledge, as if this was... normal.

“How do you even know all this?”

“One of my friends at college was bisexual.”

“... You know what, Sam?” Dean started after a short pause, staring at the forgotten breakfast that lay on the floor.

“Yeah?”

“I think I might be bisexual.”

“Thank you for trusting me with this, Dean.”

“Okay, no chick-flick moments, bitch.”

“Jerk.”

As they smiled at each other, Dean couldn't help but repeat the word in his head. _Bisexual_. It sounded right. And, hey, he might only have two more weeks to live, but being able to live these two weeks knowing that the brother who he would die for accepted him, made everything so much better.

“Okay, let's just eat breakfast. I got these pancakes from that one diner around the corner and they smelled heavenly.”

“Sounds good to me.”

And the two of them carried on as if nothing had changed. And maybe nothing had changed. Because this was just another part of Dean. And it was a part that had always been part of him and would always be part of him, no matter if others knew, no matter what they thought.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh, and here's my crossover btw: [The Strange Life of The Winchester Brothers](https://archiveofourown.org/works/20816252)
> 
> (which is _way_ more popular than this work here xD)


	4. Polysexual

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **SPOILER: S10E05  
>  CHARACTER: Siobhan  
> WARNINGS: none**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I thought that the musical episode was quite fun and those girls were all so amazing, so I really wanted to include them. (seriously, it's my favorite episode)
> 
> Also, I made Kristen nonbinary, so they use they/them pronouns -- mainly because being nonbinary in such a gendered world is hard and what could better portray that than a nonbinary person going to an all-girls catholic school, right?
> 
> But this is not about Kristen, it's about Siobhan...
> 
> _In light of recent events, I just wanted to say this to all of those currently on the streets in the US, protesting againt police violence, discrimination and for justice for George Floyd: Stay safe, stay healthy and stay strong! #blacklifesmatter_

If there was something Siobhan had always known, then it was the fact that she was different. And not just in the way “Everybody's unique” but in the way that there was just something fundamentally different with how she experienced things.

Things like... attraction.

She liked girls and non-binary folks were nice too but there weren't any boys in the picture.

And Kristen was so cute and everybody always told her that they looked so cute together, but... could she even be with Kristen without knowing who she was? Kristen was an out and proud bisexual and she was just... not. She was insecure and didn't know her label.

Sure, she had tried out different labels. But she wasn't gay. She didn't only like her own gender. Technically one could say that she's bisexual, but that didn't really fit. Bi just implied two and most thought of men and women when hearing that label and it didn't really do the fact justice that she was attracted to most non-binary genders as well. And pansexual implied that she liked all genders.

It was hard to admit that she was lost when it came to figuring out herself. But shouldn't it have been easy to find out who she is? It was a part of her after all.

“Hey, Kristen?”

Her partner lifted their head up from her chest.

“Hmm?”

“How did you figure out that you were bisexual?” Siobhan asked, carding her fingers through Kristen's short hair, enjoying the slight stubble underneath her fingers as she reached the nape of their neck.

“I dunno.” Kristen's head sank back onto her breasts. “It just always fit, you know? I like people. I like multiple genders. Men, women, other, who cares? But I didn't want to say that I'm pan, because bi simply... _felt_ better, if you know what I mean?”

“I... I really don't know,” Siobhan admitted. “I never had that with any label?”

“Really?” Kristen sat up. “Okay, we're gonna change that now. Let's bet: If I can find you a label that fits before the premiere of the Supernatural musical in one week you have to take me out for lunch. If I can't find one, then...”

“Then you take me out for lunch?”

“Sure.” They laughed and Siobhan smiled at the sight. She was really lucky to have Kristen. She couldn't have asked for a better partner. “But for now we cuddle.”

Kristen settled back down again and Siobhan went back to stroking their hair.

The next day Kristen arrived and held her a word on a paper into the face.

 _Bisexual_ Siobhan read and shook her head.

It continued that way for the rest of the week. Every day Kristen would turn up with a new paper, on it a word and it's definition.

Two days before the premiere, they showed up with _Polysexual_ , still in their Castiel outfit. And as Siobhan read the definition, she finally realized what they had meant when they had said that you could simply feel when a label fit. This was... exactly what she felt.

Slowly she took the paper out of her partner's hands, staring at it transfixed.

Then she hugged them.

Kristen's arms closed around her.

“Is this good?” they asked and Siobhan nodded into their shoulder.

“It's perfect, thank you.” A tear prickled at the corner of her eye and she looked at Kristen who smiled sappily.

For a moment they just stood there, the world around the two of them numbed, and they held each others hands and Siobhan couldn't help but stare into Kristen's wonderfully blue eyes.

They were perfect for the role of Castiel.

Then, Siobhan leaned forward. “Have you seen that agent?” She subtly nodded towards the not-as-gigantic agent Smith who was currently watching them with Marie at his side.

“Yeah, what about him?”

“Have you seen him when he looks at us?”

“What? You think he's homophobic?”

“Nah. But I don't think he's a fan of Destiel...” Siobhan trailed off and Kristen caught on with a twinkle in their eyes.

“You just wanna kiss during the next rehearsal, admit it.”

“I always wanna kiss you, gorgeous,” Siobhan admitted without any shame.

Kristen laughed. “Let's do it. Knowing Marie she'll even keep it in the play for the performance.”

“Oh, that would be gold – wait, you're not out to your parents, are you?”

“I'm not.” Kristen shrugged. “But who cares. Either they're accepting or it's part of the role. Also... I'm kinda sick of hiding who we are. I love you.”

Siobhan's breath caught. “I... I love you too.”

They leaned forwards, their lips meeting in the space between them and the kiss was slow and perfect.

* * *

“Dean! You're alive!”

The hard wood of the stage was digging into Siobhan's back as she made a show out of slowly opening her eyes and sitting up, obviously checking that all her limbs were working.

“Cas? That you?”

She turned to see Kristen on the other side of the stage, looking at her, Cas' worry warring with their love. Damn, they were beautiful like this.

“Dean, how are you alive?” Kristen slowly stepped closer, a predator hiding behind those carefully placed steps and Siobhan shivered a bit, glad one couldn't see that off stage.

“I... I've got no idea.” She slowly got up, turning towards Kristen, who slowed their steps.

They met in a manly embrace, before Kristen whispered. “Let's do this” and winked with the eye hidden from the audience.

She leaned back a bit, then met Kristen's lips.

It was short and chaste, but that was made worth it when she heard the not-as-gigantic agent Smith exclaim: “Wait – is that in the show as well?” and Marie reply: “It is now.”

Siobhan broke the kiss and they just carried on playing, now with a smile on their lips whenever their eyes met.

Afterwards Kristen leaned over to her and asked: “Well, when do you wanna take me on a date?”

And Siobhan smiled and answered them: “After the show.”

Kristen winked. “It's a date.”

“God, you're cheesy.”

“But you love me anyways.”

“Yeah, I do.”

“You know what? I love you too, Siobhan.”


	5. Pansexual

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **SPOILER: S05E08  
>  CHARACTER: Gabriel  
> WARNING: implied and mentioned sexual content; mentions of homophobia; implied stalker/sexual harassment (nothing happens, but I wanted to mention it); mentions of transphobia/misgendering**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I almost wrote this chapter for Crowley, especially since Mark once said that he sees Crowley as pansexual, but it just didn't really work out, so I decided to go with Gabriel instead. Because Gabriel is awesome.
> 
> Also, always, always, _always_ ask for consent if you're doing something involving another person. No excuses. Doesn't matter what you think -- if the other person says 'no' at any point, you stop immediately.
> 
> Enjoy the chapter!

Music was pumping loudly through speakers as Gabriel made his way across the dance floor. The bar was packed, but he didn't mind. To be honest, he kind of preferred it that way even. It reminded him of many good times he had had with Dionysus back in the good old days when he had still existed.

There had always been his maenads, yeah, those had been feisty. And there had been other gods, like Mercury and Hermes and Apollo and a good time had been had by all. There had been wine and food and orgies...

Not that modern day parties were bad. They had a lot more alcoholic beverages for one. But none of them were as strong as Dionysus' wine, so they never had any influence on him, which was a bit of a loss.

Still, people had gotten way more attractive during the last few centuries and during the last decades even had gotten more loose again, which he had certainly missed during the last millennia.

Not that it wasn't fun to convert a nun or a priest, but that mostly took time because some of them really held onto their oaths.

Gabriel had time. That wasn't the problem. But waiting was just so boring.

The hook-up culture with bars and people of all types mingling was way better. There were hot men, sexy ladies and attractive androgynous folks all out there, dancing and most willing to take it a step further.

But what had been really fun had been some of the pride parades he had been to recently. Those first pride parades hadn't really been fun, but nowadays there was music and drinks and food and colors and all sorts of people. _And_ he could always get some work in and punish people because there were always homophobes shouting from the sidelines that being gay was a sin – which it _so_ wasn't (or maybe they were all sinners?) – just begging to get knocked down a peg.

Also, there was a new pansexual flag that he was just _dying_ to try out this years pride parade. It had bright colors and just looked pretty cool.

Getting back into the moment and just enjoying the beat of the music he caught the eye of a cute girl in the back, who then winked at him. Oh, this was gonna turn out alright.

Then he noticed a man watching the girl and narrowed his eyes.

That dude even looked creepy... which given that the word dude originally meant a well dressed and fashionable man should probably be worded differently. Oh, well, not something he would bother with now. First he would get to know the young lady and maybe afterwards he would come back and deal with that guy.

Consent _was_ important after all. And anybody who didn't bother to get consent was as good as dead – in Gabriel's book anyways. Nobody should have to undergo trauma just because somebody couldn't keep it in their pants. Or whatever. Consent wasn't important just for sex, after all.

He thought back to that time when somebody had called a young man “she” after being explicitly told told to call him he. Well, that man hadn't consented to being called she and the other had suffered an unfortunate... incident.

As he leaned against the table the young woman was sitting at, he gave her a once-over. She looked good with long curly hair and a spark of life in her eyes that made her interesting.

“Mind if I join you?” he asked.

The girl giggled and shook her head, so he sat down next to her, with his view to the guy who had looked creepy.

They struck up a conversation easily and Gabriel allowed himself to relax, basking in the attention she gave him, playing this game called flirting with great enthusiasm. Not that it was hard. The woman was gorgeous and smart and it was really easy to just talk with her.

Even the background noise from the music and the other patrons soon faded into the background the more Gabriel got invested in their talk.

At the end of the night he had a companion for the next hour – or hours if everything went well – and he was happy. There was just something great about humanity. About the purity of their souls, about their excitement at the simplest of tricks and their uniqueness.

Angels were always so... conform. They just obeyed and there was no differentiating them when just going off of their personality. The last angels to have been greatly different had been the archangels themselves. Not that he liked to think about the consequences of that.

Even though the Winchesters were getting involved in stopping the apocalypse he knew there was no averting it. If he was lucky they could hold out long enough for him to go to pride with his new flag – if not... Well, there wouldn't be any pride parades anymore. Mainly because there wouldn't be any humans anymore, or, should Michael win, those humans that would survive would lack all kinds of personality.

And sure, no personality would mean no homophobes, but it would also mean that what Gabriel loved the most when it came to humanity would be lost. Their personalities, their _spark_ it would be lost.

So why not enjoy it while it lasted?

At least that was what Gabriel told himself.

But over the last few weeks since trapping the Winchesters in TV Land one thing had become clear: They were confident that they could stop the apocalypse. And the more Gabriel thought about it, the more insistent those thoughts became.

Maybe he should start looking into a way to solve this whole apocalypse thing without his brothers fighting. And going off of Castiel and how he had been resurrected doing so might even earn him some browney points with Dad, which was always a bonus – especially after going pagan for so long.

Then the girl caressed his chest and all thoughts of the apocalypse vanished. He had more important things to take care of right now. Way more important.


	6. Omnisexual

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **SPOILER: S02E15; S05E01; S05E08; S08E19; S10E17 and others  
>  CHARACTER: Bobby Singer  
> WARNINGS: mentioned canon child abuse; mentioned homophobia; being outed; implied imprisonment; canon Major Character Death**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know if I've mentioned this before, but English isn't my first language, so feel free to point out any mistakes I might have made :)
> 
> So, this chapter is all about Bobby. I really wanted to write about him, mainly because of the way he and Crowley made their deal and their... ahem... passionate kiss.
> 
> First I wrote the scene where they make the deal, but I wasn't quite happy with it, so I wrote this instead.
> 
> This scene takes place during S10E17, but there are countless smaller scenes from throughout Bobby's life mentioned and I just couldn't find and tag all of the episodes. The major character death is only mentioned in so far that Bobby is already in Heaven.
> 
> Last thing for today: One of the tags is _being outed_. Just so you know: It is NEVER okay to out another person without their consent. It has happened to me before and I don't think I will be able to trust the person who outed me ever again to the extent I did before. Just... don't do that to somebody. Just don't.

After having been rescued from Hell and finally being sent to Heaven, Bobby soon discovered that there was one thing Heaven was good for when you actually knew that you were in Heaven: reflection.

Now he had all the time he had never wanted to look back onto his life and reflect his actions and choices. Sure, this was probably so people could re-life the happy moments of their lives but since he knew what was happening he was able to influence the landscape build out of his memories.

Which would always mean one of two things: Either things were really good or hellish bad.

When it was a really good day he was just sitting in his living room and reading books he had read many times before – only now he was able to enjoy reading those books, not just skimming them for information on how to kill the monster of the week.

On a bad day he was facing his mistakes.

There would be his father, shouting at him and his mother.

There would be that one guy from high school who had seen him kiss a boy once and then beat him up because he was a dirty sinner and pervert who would rot in hell – not that he had been too far off, but at that time the remark had hurt.

There would be that time Karen had been killed by a demon and he hadn't even known what monster had taken her over – hadn't been able to save his _wife_.

There would be that day he had chased John away and hadn't seen ~~the boys~~ his boys for months, always wondering whether they were okay, were they still alive?

There would be the day Rumsfield had died.

There would be that demon who had possessed him and told Sam that he wasn't family anymore.

There would be Crowley who had outed him to the boys in the most ridiculous way he had ever experienced. And, sure, there was nothing to be ashamed about – so what if he had sealed their deal with an open-mouthed kiss and tongue? Crowley had been a good kisser. But then that bastard had to take a picture of their kiss and show it to his boys and that was so not fair.

Not that life was ever fair. No, Bobby had lived long enough to know that wasn't the case. Life could be a complete bitch that could and would kick you in the balls without hesitation. It had happened to him often enough after all.

But sometimes life was damn fine. Sometimes it consisted of Karen cooking whilst he enjoyed a good book. Sometimes it consisted of his mother playing with him whilst his father was out drinking himself into an early grave. Sometimes life was sitting with his boys at the side of the road, drinking beer and laughing about Dean being almost scared to death because of a ghost.

Especially during the later days of the apocalypse and everything that had followed, those bright happy moments had gotten fewer and whilst his memory was really damn good, he knew that he had forgotten those happier days.

And here he felt thankful for all that Heaven offered.

Because he could sit here and sip a beer and let those simpler times before the apocalypse came along just be. And he would just watch, content, how he had berated his boys for failing to notice that they were facing a Trickster, now chuckling about how he had been wrong as well, as it turned out that particular Trickster was actually the archangel Gabriel.

He had actually helped stake a damn archangel. Not something everybody could list on their resume.

Another thing that he was thankful for, was the fact that he was actually in Heaven. When he had been first told that he would rot in Hell for liking all genders – although he always had a special place for women in his heart – he had been christian and afraid. Later on he had become an atheist and gotten married to a woman, so that fear vanished. Then monsters had reappeared and with the existence of demons also the existence of a potential Heaven and Hell. And as much as he appeared not to care, he knew damn well that he was headed for Hell with the life he was living. So whilst that was not a comforting thought it made it easier to be attracted to people no matter their gender. If he was already going to Hell, what would he have to lose?

Then, angels. And, boy, what an entrance from their side. That Castiel hadn't been the nicest in the beginning, but with time he had grown to view him more fondly, almost like another of his boys. After all, the angel had fallen for them and resurrected him and if that didn't make him family than what would?

One day – okay, many days, but one in particular – Bobby would pull Castiel to the side and ask him questions about the world, about life and about Heaven and Hell. It was on that particular day that Cas confirmed his research and told him that homophobia came mainly from ignorance and it wasn't a sin to love people, as long as all love was safe, sane and consensual.

Bobby shook himself and returned to his book, a radio softly crooning in the background. Until it screeched and Sam's voice appeared.

Seemed like he would have to help his boys once again.

But he loved them and would gladly help them smuggle an angel into Heaven. However he was supposed to pull that off. But anything for his boys, right?

(And he was really glad to see Cas again and hear that they were alright and if he could please just take a message to his other boys on earth because he was a sentimental fool who loved his boys way too much for his own good.)

Afterwards he wouldn't see his own heaven for quite some time. Apparently the angels didn't like it when some soul managed to break an angel into Heaven and break two angels out again.

He didn't regret a thing.


	7. Demisexual

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **SPOILER: S01E01  
>  CHARACTER: Jessica Moore  
> WARNINGS: mentioned canon character death; implied/referenced sex**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Huh, so here we've got our first flm couple. And also our first Ace-spec character.
> 
> (and I am just gonna apologize for the end in advance)

Other girls would always ask her about her crush – what crush? – and what boys she found cute – I mean, he had fluffy hair, alright? – and what was her type – why would she judge someone based on their appearance and then decide whether she would date them?

It was always a bit confusing and most people didn't get why she was that way, so she hid herself behind her christian parents and a vow of abstinence until she found the right one.

Seriously, Jess had never been this glad about having super religious parents. They were really supportive of her getting so involved and being a good christian girl, so she simply decided not to tell them her real reasons for her vow of abstinence. Also, it was quite frankly none of her parents business whether she even wanted to have sex – which she really didn't.

Instead she focused on her study and getting into a good college that was hopefully more liberal than her parent's home. Not that that was a very difficult thing. The finding a liberal college thing, that is. Getting into one? Much harder, especially when aiming for a scholarship.

Stanford was one of the best law schools in the country – whilst being fairly liberal – so it was one of the best days in her life when she received the scholarship.

Life at Stanford was hard at first. There was the huge campus, so many new classes and people and she had to share her dorm with another girl and it was all so _expensive_ in a way she had never really noticed whilst living purely out of her parent's pockets.

One day she noticed another freshman who had seemingly gotten lost on the way to class, or at least he seemed that way until she actually went over and noticed how he just stared into space, seemingly lost in his thoughts.

“Are you alright?” she asked carefully.

“I... uh, yeah, sure, thanks for asking.” He smiled softly at her. “It's just... today's the fifth of December and I only now noticed.”

“A special day?”

He huffed a laugh, but it seemed kind of forced. “My mom's birthday.”

“And you forgot to call her?” Jess teased.

“Ah, no. She's dead.”

“God, I'm sorry,” she immediately apologized, but he just waved it off.

“No worries. She died when I was six months old, I don't really remember her.”

“Still. Do you have a class right now?”

“Uh, no?” Gosh, he looked cute, like a lost puppy. His head was turned to the side and his floppy hair tumbled over his forehead.

“Then let me buy you a coffee as an apology.” Seeing how frayed the man's shirt was she added: “It's on me.”

“There's really no need –“ he protested, but Jess shook her head.

“No, no, there's this great coffee shop a bit over. I'll show you, you'll love it. Oh, my name's Jess, by the way. Jessica Moore.”

“Sam. Sam Winchester. It's nice to meet you, Jess.”

Sam did love the coffee.

Over the next few weeks they would regularly meet at the coffee shop, just talking and enjoying each others company. Since they both had decided to stay over Christmas they continued to meet each other over the holidays.

When Jess tried to invite Sam over for her birthday, the other burst out laughing hysterically and when Jess asked him what was wrong, she learned that it was also Sam's brother's birthday.

That had been the first time Jess had even heard him mention that he had a brother and the rest of the day she quizzed him on Dean. The guy adored his older brother, and Jess couldn't help but wonder why he never appeared to visit Sam.

When winter turned into spring and spring turned into summer they got closer. Sam admitted on his birthday that he had first noticed her when his roommate had pointed her out to him shortly after their first break but that he had never dared to approach her.

Jess laughed and told him that he was lucky she wasn't that easily scared.

In the following spring they officially started dating.

Sam was super kind and considerate and never pushed her to give more than she wanted to. He even went as far as looking up the term 'Asexual' for her and whilst she had to admit that it didn't quite seem to fit her anymore, given the fact that she was starting to think about Sam in _that way_ it was probably the best thing he could've done.

After that summer break they moved into a shared apartment.

Since they were both pre-law they would quiz each other and they would cuddle whilst watching TV and they would have food fights while cooking.

Sure, Jess knew that Sam wanted to take things further, but he was always so considerate he never asked. He even seemed content in a way that Jess had never thought possible.

He would hold her when things were rough and she would hold him when another year had passed since he had run away from home.

In the back of her mind, Jess still wondered about how fucked up his living situation must've been that he had to run away to college and that the most important person in his life never so much as showed up once whilst his younger brother was being top of the class at Stanford. But since he never pressed her about having sex she never pressed him on his past.

If Sam was willing to share, then he would share.

Sometimes Jess still questioned whether Sam actually loved her and she often couldn't help but feel alienated because he kept so many secrets, but she tried to respect him. Also, she was like ninety percent sure he was former mafia.

Mainly, because _who else_ would keep a _gun_ under his pillow and be this paranoid about everything. So, mafia.

But he was mafia who was willing to cuddle and braid her hair and be so considerate... She loved him.

And on Halloween, as she pulled on her sexy nurse costume – something her parents wouldn't have ever allowed – and mused about how Sam had again refused to wear a costume on the grounds that he disliked Halloween (and who disliked the holiday of candy? That was just ridiculous) Jess couldn't help but wonder if maybe she should allow him to take her virginity.

She would tell him next morning. After all, she had seen the ring already, and maybe Sam would be willing to do this old style after the marriage.

And with a smile she realized that she actually found herself looking forward to it.


	8. Graysexual

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **SPOILER: S09E13; S10E08  
>  CHARACTER: Donna Hanscum  
> WARNINGS: fatphobia; body-shaming; implied/referenced sex**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Additional warning: this chapter contains literal sunshine in the form of Donna. Seriously, you just gotta love her
> 
> Also, Jody is just 100% the mom friend.

To be fair, her troubles with Doug hadn't just come from being fat. There had also been the factor that she just wasn't sexy. She never initiated anything. She was rarely enthusiastic about having sex.

Still, she was going to a wellness spa to lose some pounds. Donna had read the reviews and it was the best place by far.

She wasn't dumb enough to think that just losing some weight would make Doug love her again, but that wasn't the goal anymore. No, she just wanted to lose some fat and be slim and sexy. And maybe if she felt sexy she would also like to initiate and participate in sex more.

That was the plan anyway.

There was also the tiny factor that she was hugely glad to leave behind the mess at the precinct. People just losing all their fat and dying of mysterious circumstances? So not her thing. Besides, Donna was sure the others at the precinct had it handled. And there had been those two FBI agents – even if she wasn't quite sure whether the taller one's haircut was even allowed.

Doug had once shown her a picture of the standard regulation haircuts the FBI had to – nope, she wasn't going to think about Doug whilst she was at this spa. She was just gonna enjoy those massages and losing weight. And maybe that agent – agent Frehley – had just been undercover or whatever. 

Whatever his reason, it was none of her business and now that she was here she wouldn't have to deal with weird FBI agents either.

… Or so she thought until the ridiculously tall one appeared to be a fitness trainer and the other to help with catering. They were undercover, they told her. Donna had already suspected that, because otherwise no-one would switch from being FBI to working at a spa.

Shortly afterwards they vanished, leaving a dead body in their wake and when Donna's holiday was over she had lost over ten pounds, Doug still wasn't interested in her and she still didn't have an improved sex drive.

So, altogether nothing had really changed. Also, she still loved Donuts, so she doubted those ten pounds would stay lost.

A few weeks afterwards she moved from Hibbings to Stillwater.

In Stillwater there was still a Doug but that Doug was arguably nicer and she really didn't regret the change. Well, she missed some of her colleges but Stillwater's police officers weren't all that bad either and since she got rid of her ex she was happy enough like this.

Doug was a sweetheart most of the time as well.

Then she was pulled to a sheriffs retreat. In Hibbings. Were Doug was. Just her luck, right?

And the only person who seemed as if they weren't a complete ass – even if not one as big as Dough-her-ex – was Sheriff Mills from Sioux Falls. Don't get her wrong – Sheriff Mills was cold and rude and really not friendly, but Donna could see her warming up. A bit. At least she was pretty sure that that rudeness was turning into fond exasperation and that was pretty good as far as she was concerned. Then those agents showed back up again when dead bodies started showing up.

Discovering that monsters were real wasn't as shocking as it should've been. Donna had known that it wasn't quite right for an FBI agent to have such a haircut.

When they all parted ways they made sure to stay in contact. But even though she had the boys' number, the person she would call the most was Jody. And Donna would even go as far as saying that they were pretty good friends. If not best friends.

Once you got past Jody's hard shell she was warm, friendly and humorous and oh-so helpful. If there was any problem at all or she just needed someone to vent to – Jody was there.

They even met up several times. Sometimes Jody would drive over, sometimes Donna would. And they would eat somewhere nice and just talk.

After a few months Donna would confidently say that Jody was the person in her life she trusted the most.

So a few months later Donna confined to her about how she had broken up with Doug (or rather he with her) and the reasons for it. Jody once again told her that Doug was an ass (and there were few things that were more comforting than Jody telling her confidently that it was his fault and she was perfect the way she was).

Another month later Jody called her and told her to open a site called AVEN – maybe they could help? Since their experiences sounded so similar to Donna's?

As it turned out AVEN did hold a lot of answers. The Asexuality Visibility and Education Network had all this information and it was _really_ comforting to know that she wasn't alone out there, that there were others who felt this way. That it was _normal_.

“Hey, Jodio? Thanks for telling me about that website! I think I might be graysexual, ya know?”

“That's great! Glad I was able to help. Do you feel better now?”

“Ya betcha! … I was just wondering... How did you find out about that website? I don't think all this is common information.”

“Ah, well... You're my best friend, Donna. Of course I would help you out. Especially with something this important.”

“That's... thanks. I really want to hug ya right now, Jodes.”

Jody laughed. “It's fine.”

“Yeah, it is. Thanks to you. You're my best friend as well, you know?”

“... So what now? Friendship bracelets and braiding each others hair?”

“Seriously? That sounds awesome! Although I imagine we'll have some difficulties braiding yours. Maybe we should stick to just braiding mine.”

And that's exactly what they did. They had mugs with hot chocolate and Jody was braiding Donna's hair whilst Alex was watching from the couch and they were all laughing.

She didn't need Doug or be sexy to be happy. She just needed her family.


	9. Asexual

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **SPOILER: S05E03  
>  CHARACTER: Castiel  
> WARNINGS: mentions of prostitution; mentions of sex; allonormativity; mentions of Character Death (this is Supernatural, what else would you expect???)**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A) This was a great episode, I absolutely loved it and it cemented Cas as Ace in my mind
> 
> B) I'm gonna tag angst
> 
> C) Why was it so hard writing Cas???
> 
> D) Whatever you recognize is probably a line I stole from the show.
> 
> EDIT: I've put in some new art. Despite me saying I wouldn't. Yay for that, I guess? Also, I've attempted a less realistic art style (because drawing Charlie was _hard_ ) without any line drawing beforehand, so it turned out quite well, considering.

Dean had taken him to a den of inequity. According to the hunter Castiel couldn't die without not 'getting laid' beforehand. He wasn't quite sure of how Dean had come to the conclusion that an angel of the Lord would be interested in engaging in such carnal acts, but since Dean was a person he valued greatly Castiel had followed along.

Now he was seriously regretting his decision. The way those humans would look at him as if he was some kind of exotic fruit made him greatly uncomfortable. There were all kinds of humans pushing and pulling at each other and there was a heavy smell of arousal in the air. Castiel was glad he did not need to breath.

Dean seemed to enjoy himself, which was nice. At least one of them found this whole trip amusing and it certainly wasn't Castiel.

Whilst he knew the technicalities needed in order to pleasure human flesh, Castiel had to admit that he found no desire to do so. The human flesh could certainly release hormones that made humans feel good and the ecstasy of the human soul during orgasm could work as a short term small power charge to an angel's grace, but when looking at the act itself it was always filthy and the thought of being covered in bodily fluids managed to nip any curiosity Castiel might have had about sex in the bud.

Whereas Dean and most other mortals would shake their heads at this, Castiel could not help but remember times when those humans who were free from lust were considered more pure and closer to the divine. Whilst that certainly was a falsehood – no amount of sex could change the bond humans had to the divine – several pagan gods even used it to further bindings – he could see himself relate to those mortals better and therefore it made them in a way closer to the divine, especially since few other angels kept watch over humanity after that disaster with Jesus of Nazareth which had been the last time angels had officially been on Earth until the start of the apocalypse.

But even with his thoughts occupying the rather interesting matter of humans who – like himself – had no desire for sex he instead was forced by Dean to focus on the people surrounding them.

And there were a lot of people. Some angels would probably bask in the bright glow of all these souls, but Castiel found them to be rather annoying and even overwhelming. All their feelings and thoughts continued to press into his grace, distracting him badly enough for Dean to call one of the ladies over.

Castiel threw him a panicked glance, but the hunter didn't seem to notice his plight, instead too focused on some scantily clad women a few feet away who were eyeing him with interest. He wasn't quite sure whether it was monetary interest or because they were sexually attracted towards the man or both, but he really could not find the compassion to care about that right now. Not when Dean was 'trying to get him laid'.

 _There are two things I know for certain. One, Bert and Ernie are gay. Two, you are_ not _gonna die a virgin. Not on my watch._

“Hey, relax,” Dean interrupted him – as if it was that easy to just sit back and enjoy all of what was happening.

“This is a den of iniquity. I should not be here.” Castiel already knows it is fruitless to try and change Dean's mind once he had it set on something, so he resolves to just escape the entire situation by getting himself thrown out.

The problem with that plan is the fact that if he starts a scene now it would be out of character for him and Dean would know he did this on purpose. Then he would likely be upset – even if he would never admit to it.

What good was being a master tactician if he couldn't even find a solution to this dilemma?

Maybe if he made Dean laugh about what would happen? And if he could diffuse any potential sexual situation before it would even begin? For that he would need to make the hooker uncomfortable. The best way to do such a thing would be to make it personal – after all Dean always complained about “personal space”.

With the feeling of having a plan also came the feeling of safety, which he had been missing during his stay so far.

“Dude, you full-on rebelled against heaven. Iniquity is one of the perks,” Dean complained before noticing a hooker. “Showtime.”

Castiel had to agree. It was indeed 'showtime'. Even if it meant for him to lightly touch upon her most painful memories and not flirting and having sex like Dean intended.

“Hi, what's your name?” the woman asked and Castiel had to admit that he admired her resolve to just walk up to him and ask him that even when she was afraid that he would get violent during sex.

Still, it was time for him to play his role and it wasn't even hard to seem embarrassed and uncomfortable.

“Cas.”

Castiel pretended to startle upon hearing Dean say his name.

“His name is Cas. What's your name?”

“Chastity.”

“Chastity,” Dean repeated and Castiel downed his beer in an attempt to hide a slight smile at the obviously fake name, especially since it would be fitting for her tonight. Even if he was a bit upset that his plan would probably cause her to lose this nights income.

When the woman tugged him up Dean handed him some cash which Castiel took gratefully. Maybe the woman would still get paid tonight without even having to prostitute herself.

Castiel wasted no time once they were out of Dean's sight, asking the prostitute about her father and whether she had been forced to enter this line of work (she had been forced out of fear for her son's well being without a stable income that was above minimum wage; but Castiel didn't tell her that he already knew) as soon as he had handed her the money. According to the numbers on the bills Dean had been generous with the money and Castiel felt way better knowing that the humiliation that was to follow would at least be paid.

As he had assumed – as soon as he started asking invasive questions the woman started screaming at him and throwing things at him. Castiel was glad that he was mostly invulnerable even now whilst he was falling.

Only a short time later Dean approached Castiel and only few minutes later they were out of the building and Dean doubled over; laughing.

“What's so funny?” Castiel asked.

“Oh, nothing,” Dean replied heaving and laughing freely, wiping tears from his cheeks.

At least Dean had forgotten about getting him laid, Castiel thought as he was led away, approaching his final day on earth. Approaching the day Raphael would kill him a second time.


	10. Aromantic

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **SPOILER: S07E03  
>  CHARACTER: Dean Winchester  
> WARNINGS: self-doubt (we're talking about Dean here, alright? Of course there's self-doubt)**

Dean hadn't ever seen their dad romantically involved with another woman after what had happened to mom. Bobby and Pastor Jim never seemed interested in any women either. Therefore it seemed just logical to him that that was just the way hunters worked.

Falling in love was for civilians. With one hunt after another there really wasn't any time for relationships at all. It made sense.

What didn't make sense was the way Sammy was behaving. Surely there had to be a really good reason as for why he was willing to let that monster go – never mind pursuing a relationship with it.

Usually Sammy was the rational one. The one who would think things through instead of rushing head first into trouble as Dean was prone to do.

But right now? He was behaving like a civilian. He was foolishly endangering all of them by letting that monster go.

And Dean had trained Sammy. Shouldn't he have noticed that Sammy was so much like a civilian?

Of course he had noticed Sam's aversion towards hunting. The way he would rather stay in school than go on another hunt. The way he mentioned _college_.

Had he done something wrong whilst training Sammy?

Dean leaned his head against the window, watching the scenery pass without actually taking it in.

Was this because of his mistakes? If so, he was responsible for the way Sam would often feel mistreated and misunderstood. But he was also responsible for any and all future deaths by monsters Sammy wouldn't want to hunt or even let go.

Maybe he should ask Dad about teaching Sammy since his own teachings didn't seem to stick with his brother. But then Dad would know that he had failed at teaching Sammy. And Dean didn't fail. He had never before failed to accomplish what his Dad wanted him to. Sometimes it would take time. Sometimes he would get it right on the first try. But no matter what, he always made Dad proud when he did something right. And Dean was not about to fail his first and most important order: take care of Sammy.

Dad had put all his trust into Dean when he allowed him to take care of Sammy and telling Dad now that he had failed wasn't something Dean could do even if he wanted to. And he didn't want to.

Telling Dad he had failed wouldn't go over well. It never did. Maybe Dad would even take Sammy away from him and that wasn't something Dean could allow to happen.

Sammy was _his_ brother. _His responsibility_. No matter what, Dean would never give up on him.

He chanced a look towards his brother who was leaning against the window, eyes slipping shut from time to time until a pothole would startle him awake. Dean would bet that if they were driving down newer roads that were better cared for Sammy would have already been deep asleep because the rumble of the Impala was the best lullaby for Sam.

And Dean knew that because it was his job to look after Sam. Dean was the one who was responsible for feeding him, for keeping him safe, for keeping him happy. Even if adults like uncle Bobby would sometimes try and do his job for him as if he was just a little kid – which he wasn't – who couldn't care for his thirteen year old brother. He was almost eighteen. He had looked after Sam for thirteen years now. And he would continue to do so.

And to think of the fact that Sam had called about flirting advice only a few hours before the whole situation with the kitsune had escalated. Sure, it was Dean's job as an older brother to make sure Sam knew the ropes when it came to seducing girls but just imagining the fact that Sam had been about to use this knowledge on a monster... and not to kill them... without Dean noticing that anything was wrong...

It had been his job to keep his brother safe and he had helped him to get in danger!

But never again. If Sam would just be reasonable instead of listening to girly novels this whole situation could've been prevented much easier. If Sam would just understand that romance was useless and wouldn't get him anywhere in life as long as he was a hunter. The life of a hunter was a lonely one. You didn't just go on dates and seduced people just because you wanted to stay with them forever.

And if Sam wanted someone to be with him forever, why wasn't his family enough? Why wasn't Dean enough? Did he really need a stranger? A civilian or even a monster?

Dean shuddered at the thought.

To him family was the most important thing in the world. Even hunting wasn't as important. If he had to decide between saving Sammy or killing a vamp he would always save Sammy.

But... would Sammy even do the same for him? Would he be willing to sacrifice everything for his family?

Deep down Dean already knew the answer. He knew it, because he knew Sam better than he knew himself.

He knew that Sammy had dreams. Dreams of leaving the family and hunting behind and settling down, getting a job and going to college. Even if not in that order. And he knew that he had failed his single most important task: raising Sammy.

Hell, he hadn't even managed to teach him to place family above everything else.

Dean glanced at Sammy again. They had left the backwater road some time ago and were now on another highway. Sammy was asleep.

Sammy was asleep and safe.

And even if Sammy resisted. Even if Sammy wanted out of their life. Even if he wanted to leave Dean and Dad behind. Dean would be there to keep him as safe as possible.

As soon as he was eighteen he was going to get the Impala. Dad had promised. And should Sammy ever run away he would be able to find him that way. To keep him safe.

And if Sammy wanted a family he would make sure that they would treat him right. That they weren't some kind of monster. And then he would let Sammy leave because that would make Sammy happy and he would follow him because that would make Sammy safe.

Even if family wasn't the most important thing to Sammy.

Because family was the most important thing to Dean.

And he might not approve of Sammy getting romantically involved – he was way too young for that anyways – but he would support him any step of his way to the best of his ability.

… Maybe he should still tell Sammy to lay off of the girly romance stuff. Just in case.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Imo, Dean is aromantic. That's not just an 'Oh, it would be nice if'. No it's a 'yeah, no, he's aromantic, no way around that fact'.
> 
> If this is a concept that interests you, please check out [Never Been In Love](https://archiveofourown.org/works/22775635), because that is 7.5k+ of Dean figuring out he's aro and finding out what all of that means.
> 
> Anyways, hope you enjoyed this chapter -- Dean was such a joy to write -- and feel free to leave some feedback ;P
> 
> Also, I only need to write the last three chapters, but I just can't get past Bigender, which is honestly really annoying...


	11. Intersex

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **SPOILER: S06E02  
>  CHARACTER: Bobby John  
> WARNINGS: mentions of genitalia**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so the form of intersex I'm writing about here is called Klinefelter-syndrom and it's apparently a fairly common form of intersex. People with Klinefelter often seem male until puperty, when they don't get typically male changes. Their chromosomes are XXY.
> 
> If any of this -- because just writing about all of this may seem that way -- is insensititve or inaccurate, please tell me. I tried to do my research, but I didn't really manage to find much to base it on.
> 
> Lots of love to all my intersex folk out there :D

Dean had been living with Lisa and Ben even though Sam was back among the living. Had been for quite some time now apparently. He wasn't quite sure what to think about that. On the one hand he was kinda hurt that Sam didn't tell him, but on the other hand...

After thinking a while about it Dean decided that there wasn't a second part to this.

He was hurt.

Having sacrificed himself for Sam time after time still wasn't enough for his brother to think that Dean would rather be with him than with strangers.

Also, there was something up with Sam. Probably because of those Campbells. Because coming out of hiding the moment the apocalypse was over and then snagging Sam? Awfully convenient.

So he was more than slightly bitter when Sam came up to him to ask him to work together again. As if everything else hadn't happened. As if he wasn't awfully cold and distant and so unlike Sam. The last time Sam had acted even remotely like this he had been drinking demon blood, but Dean would love to think that he wouldn't stoop quite that low ever again out of his own will.

The fact that Sam's problem turned out to be a baby which seemed to be hunted by skin-walkers was only the icing on the cake.

The only good reason for pulling Dean out of retirement? Babysitting duty. Not the fact that Sam was alive. But babysitting.

And even that wasn't in the sense of 'hey, Dean, you did a wonderful job raising me' but more of a 'you don't know shit about this, but neither do I and I've got better things to do'. If there weren't a baby next to him and the fact that Dean wasn't quite over the relief of seeing Sam alive he knew he would've at least sucker punched his little brother by now.

But instead there was a crying baby in front of him. A baby that they had just kidnapped from a skin-walker who had kidnapped it from them.

God, his life was fucked up.

And on top of that he had a boy back with Lisa that he was raising now and he hadn't seen Castiel since the apocalypse.

Once they were inside their newest motel room Dean went to change Bobby John's diaper.

Even if it had been a while since Sammy had been small enough that Dean had to change his diaper, the motions were still easily coming to him.

Bobby John wriggled around. Sammy had never done that, Dean noticed. Sammy would always just lay back onto the motel bed and watch the world with huge curious eyes. Bobby John was swinging his arms and legs.

“Okay, alright, you know what? I'll pay you money if you sit still,” Dean grumbled whilst Sam laughed until he froze. Sam didn't notice, having turned back towards his research.

Sam had informed him that Bobby John was a boy and whilst he certainly had a penis and a certain lack of a vagina there was still the fact that he had balls that were really small and Dean was like ninety-nine percent sure that they weren't just a thing that appeared with older age. Sure, they grew during puberty, but it surely wasn't all that big a difference, right?

Maybe it was because he was a shifter?

“This is like diffusing an IED, with poop,” Dean continued to complain, knowing that if Sam noticed that there were even more unusual things about this baby he might not hesitate to kill him. “Okay, alright, alright, alright, you are golden, Bobby John. Time to hit the hay.”

He picked the baby up again once he had him in fresh diapers and swaddled him against his chest. Lowly he hummed 'Smoke on the Water' whilst carrying him over to his crib. The baby's tense muscles seemed to relax and his eyes were fluttering and Dean felt an odd sense of pride at the fact that Bobby John seemed to trust him this explicitly. Or the baby was just that tired, but since he didn't kick up a fuss again Dean was gonna count it as a win.

“Dean, you're just gonna make him cranky again,” Sam complained and Dean resisted the urge to roll his eyes. Said the boy who had fallen asleep to soft rock and the rumble of the Impala's engine. Who probably would still fall asleep like that as if it were the best lullaby.

“Shh, it's working,” Dean shushed him, “Okay, if I put you down, you gonna be a man about it?”

Somehow he had the urge to confirm that Bobby John was a man. Maybe because he knew that many in society would not accept him as a man with genitalia like that. Maybe because he was just a really cute baby. Not that he would ever tell Sam about this and open himself up to teasing.

As he put Bobby John down the baby fell asleep right away. _Just gonna make him cranky again_ , huh, Sam? He observed the tiny human being in front of him for a while. Softly he could hear Sam's astonishment behind him as his brother found out that Bobby John was actually asleep.

“What?” Dean asked, turning back towards his brother.

“You're just, uh, actually, not awful at that.”

Who would've thought he could handle children? Certainly not his little brother whom he had just about raised himself.

“Dude, I'm barely keeping that thing alive,” Dean protested. He would definitely not tell his brother the truth about this.

And as Sam continued being astonished – seriously, how dense could his brother be? He had gotten into Stanford without cheating but was so _oblivious_ about most things that was a pure astonishment at times.

Chancing another look at Bobby John Dean swore to himself that he would do his best to protect this tiny being in front of him.

And if he reached back into the crib to interact with the baby a bit more once Sam was gone? Well, no one would be able to tell now, would they?


	12. MtF

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **SPOILER: post-S08E12  
>  CHARACTER: Sam Winchester  
> WARNINGS: uh,,, lots of angst in here, I guess?**

Sam looked at herself in the mirror of her bathroom. After the last hunt she had managed to buy a dress without Dean noticing and now she finally had the chance to try it on.

She had known that she wasn't a boy. Had known for quite some time. Because otherwise there wouldn't have been this intense dislike for her body. There wouldn't have been the jealousy at seeing girls being allowed to dress and act as girls. There wouldn't be that warm feeling at Dean calling her 'Samantha' – even if only in jest – or the desire to grow her hair out so she would look just a tad more feminine. Not that she would ever actually pass – not with her body being as tall and muscular as it was – but it just helped, knowing that there were some things about her body that were just feminine. That were right.

Back when she had been in Stanford there had been Jessica who had helped her. There had been counseling. There she had been planning on starting HRT in a few weeks.

Then Dean had dragged her away and with it dragged her back deep into a closet.

A closet that Sam desperately wanted to leave again.

Which was the reason why she was contemplating telling Dean about herself. It was a ridiculous idea but she couldn't help but long for the acceptance that would come with being out. That she hoped would come with being out.

Maybe she should tell Cas first? Sam was pretty sure the angel already knew about Sam. Also, he would be accepting. After all he had worn the shape of a girl as comfortably as that of Jimmy Novak. Which had made Sam jealous.

But at the same time... What if that was only allowed for angels? What if it was a sin to be like Sam? Would he revert back to treating her like he did when they first met? With disdain and showing her that she was so much less than him or Dean or anybody else.

By now Sam's faith had been mostly shredded but there was still this small sliver of faith she clung to and Castiel's reaction would surely end this small sliver.

Also, she couldn't help but feel that she owed Dean to come out to him first. Dean had raised her, had cared for her, had died for her. The least she could do was to be honest with him for once in her life.

Sam looked into her eyes, then grabbed the razor to shave off the stubble she had allowed to grow so Dean would care less about her growing her hair out.

When she had done that she would take the lipstick she still had – she had never used it since Jess had given it to her the last time Sam had seen her girlfriend alive – and make herself look pretty and then she would walk out and tell Dean that she was trans, that she was actually a girl and if he could please never ever call her 'Samuel' or 'brother' or anything else that was masculine and if he could please use 'she' and 'her' when referring to her.

Sam took a deep breath and choked the panic down that was about to rise.

She lifted the razor up.

* * *

When Sam took the first steps out of her room she could already hear Dean in the library, cursing whilst pushing some books around.

She almost turned back around and went to hide inside her room, but then steeled herself and went towards the library.

Stopping inside the doorway she watched Dean close another book. He hadn't noticed her yet.

Taking one last deep breath Sam coughed. There was no going back now and there were butterflies inside of her stomach. The last time she had felt this nervous... Damn, she couldn't remember another time she had been this anxious.

Sure, this wasn't her first coming out, but it was by far her most important coming-out. Rejection from anybody else? It might hurt, depending on the person. Rejection from Dean however? Nothing could be worse.

Then her brother's green eyes snapped up, fixating on her dress.

Dean raised an eyebrow. “What's that supposed to be about, Sam?”

“I... I wanted to tell you something.”

“Sure looks like it. … Is that lipstick?”

Sam blushed.

“Uh... yeah. It's actually what I wanted to talk with you about.”

“What, that you like dressing like a chick?”

“It's more than that. I don't just like dressing like a girl, but I feel like I _am_ a girl.”

“Huh.” Dean leaned back in his chair. Sam started fidgeting underneath his gaze.

“I know that this probably comes as a surprise, but it's a part of me. I've always been a girl and I just want to start looking like one as well. And I know that you must have a lot of questions about all this –“

“Actually, I don't really,” Dean interrupted her.

“Wait, what?” Sam was stunned.

“Sit down, will ya?”

Slowly Sam sat down on the other side of the table. This wasn't how she had pictured this conversation. Somehow she had thought there would be a lot more cursing and teasing and disbelieve.

“Okay, so thing is, when you were really little – you probably don't even remember – you had this habit of dressing like a girl and correcting me when I said that you were my brother. Once Dad noticed he flipped out and you stopped. You must've been five or so? I mean, there's a reason I tried to call you Samantha as teasing and would gift you dolls.” Dean shrugged as if it wasn't a big deal, as if he hadn't just turned Sam's world upside down.

“So, should I call you Samantha now? You know, for real?”

“I... that would be great,” Sam answered shyly, once again reminded of the fact that she had literally the best big brother ever. “And maybe use she and her and all that?”

“Sure thing, sis.”

At Dean's cocky grin Sam burst out into tears. Like, damn, Dean accepted her and he called her _sis_ as if it wasn't a big deal and she had been all anxious about nothing and she was getting way too emotional about a single word, but, damn, she hadn't felt this happy since Stanford.

“Whoa, did I do something wrong? Sam? Sammy? Uh, Samantha?”

Dean was suddenly kneeling next to her and she just flung herself into his arms, holding on for dear life.

“Thank you for being the best brother ever,” she sobbed and Dean just held her and she just felt safe and accepted.

“So, time to go shopping, I guess?” Dean asked her when they separated half an hour later.

“Yes, _please_!”


	13. FtM

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **SPOILER: S05E09  
>  CHARACTER: Alex  
> WARNINGS: mentions of transphobia**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi.
> 
> Yes, this is another character that nobody knows. It's the dude that was thrown around by one of the children-ghosts during the Supernatural convention episode. You know the one. With Becky being all annoying. And Barnes and Damien from Chapter 1. That one.
> 
> And I used to plan this chapter with Dean in mind, but then I was like... I've already written about FtM!Dean (check out [My Name is Dean](https://archiveofourown.org/works/19756207)), so let's look for another character I could write about. And then I found out that this character's name is Alex. I'm not trying to make fun of trans-masc folks here, but half of trans-masc folks are called Alex, Jayden, Aidan, Sam (uh... hi, Sam?) or something similar. So I just had to write this.
> 
> If you don't like me writing about a character that had... Under ten lines, I think, in general, just substitute this chapter with My Name is Dean and be happy that you now got about double the lenght of this chapter. Probably even more. I'm not counting anymore.

Living with a transphobic mother had allowed Alex only one thing in his life where he was able to be who he was: Cosplay. There he could be a guy and nobody would look at him weirdly. There he would be called whatever he wanted and everybody just accepted it.

Growing up as a boy in a girls body was hard. Especially with his mother. She was just-about against everything that didn't fit into her narrow-minded worldview. Especially everybody the church condemned.

Yay for living in the Bible Belt, right?

As soon as he turned eighteen he got out of that house and bought himself a binder. He cut his hair. He bought new clothes. Basically he just had a whole makeover.

Luckily he had been named Alexandra at birth so nobody questioned his decision to be called Alex. And even if he couldn't legally be recognized as male it was something.

Without the support of his mother and without wanting to get hugely indebted Alex just took on several small jobs instead of going to college – until he found a job at a shop that was basically made for nerds. His nametag there said 'ALEX' and nobody ever called him anything different.

It was a dream come true.

Whilst working there he also got immersed in the life of a nerd. Had he cosplayed before since it allowed him to express himself as a guy he now did so because he simply enjoyed the act of dressing up and just being somebody else.

First he had a Luke Skywalker cosplay that he adored and often wore whilst manning the job – because costumers loved that.

And then he found Supernatural.

At first glance these books just seemed like some sort of gay teen romance, what with two half naked buff dudes on the cover. So, like, totally not his genre.

Still, he appreciated those covers because that was the body he should've had. And whenever he was feeling especially positively he would even picture himself as one of the brothers.

It was no wonder that soon afterwards he would actually start to cosplay them as well.

Personally he rather identified with Dean. Or rather wished he could be like Dean. Dean was muscular, manly and confident. Everything Alex could only wish to be.

Before long he really became emerged in the story.

He would buy himself flannel – and holy shit did that stuff hide his curves when paired with a sports bra and a masculine shirt – and always carry salt with him.

It was ridiculous for sure because ghosts didn't really exist but in the same way that Supernatural had become some sort of comfort-blanket to him the salt did the same. And he would rather have salt with him and for ghosts to not exist than for him to not carry salt when it would turn out that they were real.

The others at the shop just laughed at him and complimented his dedication to the role.

To be fair, other than the fact that he did not wear the Samulet it did look as if he was cosplaying Dean Winchester.

Also, he really didn't mind it – there were worse things than being compared to Dean freaking Winchester.

When he heard about the Supernatural Convention – and holy crap, it was even in the same state – he just about begged his coworker to cosplay Sam. In the end he promised to take over some shifts and his coworker agreed to visit the convention with him.

The main reason for convincing him was the fact that it was kind of weird to cosplay Dean without Sam, especially since they were freakishly codependent. The brothers, that was. Not him and his coworker. Really, he hadn't even known Tim all that long, so...

In order to even afford the convention Alex took on extra shifts and refused to buy himself the small pleasantries he had gotten used to. Byebye morning Starbucks coffee...

Seriously, it was torture to always walk past the place and smelling the coffee without being able to buy himself some. Even if it was better for the environment and his wallet. Some sacrifices had to be made for the greater good – or in this case in order for him to go to the Supernatural convention.

The convention itself was small but almost everybody was in cosplay and Carver Edlund was there – holy _shit_ , Carver fucking Edlund – which made it so much better.

Afterwards there was this game where they had to solve a case. And whilst it may have been a bit childish, Alex loved that game. He got to run around with an EMF detector and solve riddles and he was Dean _freaking_ Winchester, which was just... wow.

Seriously, best weekend ever.

But then there was this one creepy kid that had thrown him into walls – and he had totally forgotten to use the salt which he always carried, which really sucked. Because he could've sworn that that had been a real ghost.

And nobody else believed him and they all said that it were special effects, but that had been a ghost. He just... he just knew it.

Afterwards he threatened to leave the convention but really couldn't bring himself to actually leave. Other than the ghost the convention had been amazing and he was sure that if he were to look back onto it all he would think that seeing a real ghost would be awesome as well.

When a dead body turned up – and it was a real dead body – and Carver Edlund trapped them in a boring story time only to then vanquish a ghost?

Dude, he had never been so glad to have stayed somewhere.

And whilst it wouldn't quite be his best experience in life – top surgery won that spot for sure – it was really something.

Also, after that experience nobody argued with him anymore that it must have been special effects, which was a win for sure.

Still, he made sure to tape salt lines over the doors of the shop and his apartment. Better safe than sorry.


	14. MtNB

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **SPOILER:  
>  CHARACTER: Jack Kline  
> WARNINGS: dysphoria; coming-out**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is almost half-way over. And I'm still not getting the Bigender part done. Ugh.
> 
> Anyhows, just a quick reminder: If you're non-binary and you use binary pronouns that is totally cool and you're still valid <3
> 
> Also, we're now getting to Jack. You might have noticed how I didn't exactly put down any spoilers, so just imagine, that this is at some point during S13. There aren't any episodes referenced, the only spoiler in here is Jack's existence.

When Jack had been born he had made sure that he would be useful. The world was in peril and they needed a strong fighter. So instead of being born as a baby he was born as a teen – almost an adult.

It had been difficult, having to adjust to life so quickly.

Normally, when humans grew up they had time to adjust and grow up mentally alongside their physical changes. But not him. He just appeared fully formed and was thrust into a war.

And he could tell that they mistrusted him because of his father. No, not his father, just the angel who had conceived him. Lucifer, the Devil, the Morningstar. His father.

But he fought and proved himself and they came to accept him. And if Jack was being honest he had kinda expected that he would come to accept himself as well over time. The reality painted a different picture.

With nothing to occupy himself with he just got more lonely. It got more and more difficult to figure himself out. Everything he thought he knew about himself was just shaken and turned upside down until Jack didn't know anything about himself anymore.

Just... just that he might have chosen his body, but there was still something wrong with it and Jack couldn't tell what it was.

He had made the body healthy.

So why would he feel sick at the thought of how it looked sometimes? It was truly baffling.

Sam had shown him how to use the internet, but whenever Jack tried to look it up he reached sites that talked about body dysmorphia and eating disorders and recommended hotlines he should call.

But he didn't have a problem with the shape of his body, just with the _shape_ of his body. And, yes, there was a difference, even if Jack couldn't quite grasp it himself yet.

He resolved to ask Sam about it. Not that he didn't like Dean and Castiel equally as much, but Dean was... Jack always felt the constant need to impress Dean, to show him that he was good, so Dean wasn't a choice he had right now, because surely the hunter wouldn't like the fact that he was questioning himself. And Castiel probably didn't know quite enough about human experiences.

So, Sam it was.

Or at least, that's what he had planned.

Standing in front of Sam's door everything felt so much more difficult it was hard to stand. Still, he had fought all kinds of powerful foes before, he could manage to face the person who was most of the time really kind to him.

He lifted his hand and knocked on the wooden door.

“Come in.”

Jack took a deep breath and entered.

Sam was sitting on his bed, laptop on his lap and a few papers strewn around him.

“Hey, Jack,” Sam greeted him once he spotted him hesitating in the doorway. “C'mon, sit down.”

He took a few papers and put them on his left side, then patted the newly freed right side.

“Everything okay?”

Jack carefully sat down and folded his hands in his lap. Then he shrugged. Although he was glad that he was slowly learning that these phrases didn't always appear to be literal, before he answered with something along the lines of politics, war and ecological issues or a mix of them.

“You need help with anything?”

“I'm not sure,” Jack confessed.

“How come?” Sam's eyes were warm and welcoming, making it easier to talk.

“It's just... this body that I've got?” Jack tugged at his sleeve. “It doesn't seem like the right body. And I know it's stupid since I made it myself, but I sometimes wish it was just more... feminine.”

Until he said it Jack hadn't even realized that the more masculine shapes of his body had been the problem.

“You mean like you want to be a girl?” There was a faint hint of surprise in Sam's tone and Jack really couldn't blame him.

“No! No, it's just... It's stupid.” Jack went to get up. “Sorry for bothering you.” He shuffled towards the door.

“Hey! Jack!”

Jack stopped. Sam didn't sound upset.

“So you just want to dress more feminine? We can do that.”

He turned around.

“Really?”

“Sure.”

All of a sudden the room seemed brighter and Jack smiled.

“Can I wear a dress?”

Sam nodded. “If you want to.”

“And Dean won't say anything?”

“I'll make sure of it.”

Jack jumped into Sam's lap, throwing his arms around the man.

“Thank you so, so much!”

“You're very welcome. How about we go shopping tomorrow?”

“I'd love that,” he murmured.

They stayed that way for a while when Jack spoke up again.

“You know, I don't really feel like a boy either.”

“What do you mean?” Sam shifted him a bit, so he could see him better.

Jack shifted back to hide his face again.

“It's just... I don't feel like a girl and I don't feel like a boy. I'm just... I dunno. I'm just me. A bit boy, a bit girl, a bit neither?”

“Thank you for telling me, Jack. Is there anything else I can do for you? Would you like for me to use a different name or different pronouns?”

“I don't think so. My mom chose this name for me and I want to keep it. And I guess my current pronouns are alright as well.”

“Anything else you want me to do then?”

“I... Just maybe be there when I tell Dean and Cas about this?” Jack requested shyly and Sam smiled.

“Of course I will.”

They stayed in Sam's bed for a while, just enjoying each others company. Not before long Sam went back to working on his laptop and Jack closed his eyes, relaxing at the soft clicking of the keys.

Sam's body was warm and firm, the bed underneath him soft and the clicking of keys rhythmic and soon it was hard to keep his eyes open.

He only woke once more when Sam shifted them both, putting his laptop aside and laying down with Jack's head on his chest.

“Go back to sleep, kid,” he whispered and Jack obeyed easily.

 _Kid._ The word had a soft and warm glow to it. A glow that made it sound thousands of times better than boy or girl could ever be. A glow that made the world seem alright, if only for a few precious seconds. Then sleep claimed him again.


	15. FtNB

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **SPOILER: S10E05  
>  CHARACTER: Kristen  
> WARNINGS: dysphoria; 'queer' is used; misgendering is mentioned; coming out**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter marks the half-way point. Yay!
> 
> Also, this is basically the same story as chapter 4 "Polysexual", so if anyone wanted to meet our Destiel IRL couple again this is what you want xP
> 
> Lots of hugs for all the nonbinary people out there who have to present binary because of society. I love all of you and you're valid!

Kristen sighed as they pulled at their skirt. Sure, they weren't out yet, neither to their parents, nor to anyone at school, but the thought of having to go to an all girls school in one week made their skin crawl.

Looking at themselves in the mirror they couldn't help but thank countless YouTube videos for tips on how to survive school as a trans person in the closet.

Letting their eyes room over their body once again they shrugged off the blouse that was part of their school uniform and went to their drawer, getting out a sports-bra. Whilst they despised the fact that they had to wear such a typically feminine thing they also knew that it would help with shaping their breasts, making them a bit smaller and less attention catching.

Even though they had to wear a skirt and a blouse and despite the fact that they had long hair they couldn't help but feel more masculine the next time they looked into the mirror.

Their breasts were flatter and if they turned their chin up like that it even seemed more androgynous. Then they sighed again, because that wouldn't change the fact that only on the internet people called them their pronouns and the fact that they were still stuck going to an all-girls school and that they had to wear a skirt because trousers were only allowed once it got colder.

Still, they couldn't help but yearn for those months. They would be able to wear the school pullover and trousers and could hide their hair underneath their hat.

And maybe one day in the future they would even be able to convince their parents to let them cut their hair and maybe one day they would be able to out themselves.

It wouldn't be any time soon, they knew that, but the wish was still there and had been for months now. Just... expressing themselves the way they wanted, being called by pronouns that felt comfortable...

Kristen laughed softly.

Everybody else had that. But not them. Oh, no. Because life just couldn't be fair. Instead they had to be born in the wrong body, loving the wrong gender... And with unsupportive parents.

At least they guessed that they weren't supportive, based on how they reacted to gay couples in media. And if they couldn't handle gay couples in media, how would they even handle the nonbinary, bisexual mess of a _daughter_ they had.

Their laughs turned into bitter sobs.

Well, looked like they either had to wait till they were eighteen only to be harassed by literally everybody else, stay in the closet forever or just come out to their parents so that they would be kicked out to live on the streets.

Kristen had researched this kind of thing. Forty percent of homeless youth were queer. The average life expectancy of trans people was at thirty years. At least that justified their current midlife crisis about having to wear a skirt.

They slowly took a deep breath and rubbed their tear streaks away. No need to cry. Just stay strong. One day you'll be outta here. One day you'll be free. One day you'll get that damned thirty. They had never been under average by their own violation so far and they weren't gonna start now.

Sighing, Kristen lifted their blouse and buttoned it back up over the second sports-bra. Better. Not perfect – not by a long shot – but better.

That reminded them of the fact that they wanted to join the theater group at the school. Maybe they'd be able to get a boy's part...? And maybe they could use that as an excuse to buy a binder?

Nah, that last one was out for sure. Hah, out! No, were they to buy a binder their parents would know something was up for sure. They were already suspicious because Kristen always wanted short hair and refused to wear dresses – no need to fuel the fire. Even if the temptation was there.

Again, Kristen observed themselves in the mirror.

Then they took a deep breath. They would get through this. They would get out of this house. They would get top surgery.

The first day in school was exactly as bad as they had expected it to be. They were the only person there who wasn't a girl, they were constantly misgendered, their dysphoria was reaching new heights due to the skirt/blouse combination they were forced to wear and to top it all off there were only very few people there they suspected to be queer.

But there _was_ a musical club. And apparently they would perform Supernatural. Which had an angel in there that had basically said that they were gender-less, which was just mind-blowing.

There was no way they weren't gonna get that role.

And another plus was when they saw how queer the theater group was. There was something to be said about the theater gay stereotype. Kristen loved it.

In the evenings when they came home, they would tell their parents all about what they had done in the theater club, all those different exercises they had gone through in order to train their voices and to get used to acting on stage.

It wasn't the first time Kristen had been on stage, but it never lost it's thrill.

They even got lucky when it came to roles.

Shortly before they went into their first break they got cast and got handed the script.

And they actually got the part of Castiel! To top it off, the girl they had been eyeing for some time? Siobhan? She got the role of Dean. So they would spend lots of time together on stage, 'eye-fucking' as Marie called it oh-so lovingly.

When they neared winter break Kristen asked Siobhan out and one week outed themselves as nonbinary. Siobhan smiled, nodded and asked them for their pronouns, preferred name and whether they wanted a new haircut.

Which, yes. Just yes. To all of that.

With time their parents even grew supportive of their new haircut. Kristen still wouldn't out themselves to them, but it was a first step.

They still came out as bisexual though when they kissed Siobhan during the musical. So worth it.


	16. Genderfluid

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **SPOILERS: S09E19; S10E08; S10E20; S11E12  
>  CHARACTER: Alex Jones  
> WARNINGS: coming out; bad reaction (later on gets better); mentions of dysphoria**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you, shitty_teen, for confirming my statement on trans guys' names. You rock!
> 
> Genderfluid Alex, because it's _Alex_ what else would you expect??? xD

Whilst she was living with vampires her gender hadn't been anything Alex had thought about much. Sometimes she had felt an intense dislike for her body and wished she was a man, but that was most likely just because she was always being objectified and used as bait for older men.

When that feeling came back the first time after she had been rescued it came like a whiplash.

Sure, she had gotten used to how her gender just always seemed to change, but she had always thought that it had just had something to do with being captured. Not, not that there was anything wrong with her.

Jody would find her later, when she came back from the precinct, sitting on the sofa, curled over, clad in the biggest hoodie she had found and with a blanket over her legs, staring blankly at the TV-screen – which was off.

“Are you alright? Alex?” Jody asked softly and she shrugged.

Was she alright? There wasn't anything wrong with her – other than the fact that she desperately wanted to cut off her breasts – which she had prominently displayed in a bra the day before because she had felt really feminine and good that way.

Now that same femininity made her want to cut her breasts off.

So, obviously, she just nodded and after another long look Jody nodded as well and that was that.

The next day she felt normal again and just wrote it off as some sort of residue. If she still had nightmares, why wouldn't this have survived as well?

But it came back and it came back and it came back. And there weren't just days when she felt like a man – or weeks at a time sometimes even – but there were also days when she felt like neither or like both and the more she tried to ignore it, the stronger that feeling got.

One evening when Jody was at some sort of Sheriff's retreat Alex broke into her office – was it still breaking in if it hadn't been locked? – and started the computer up.

Name, password. Easy.

Finding a browser. Easy.

Opening incognito mode. Easy.

Starting research as for what was wrong with her. Impossible.

Alex just sat there, staring at the grayish and blueish screen in front of her and didn't know what to type. How could you just describe that intense feeling of wrongness that just came and went, making her feel like an entirely different person?

She rectified that statement after landing on a site about Dissociative Identity Disorder.

How could you just describe that intense feeling of wrongness that just came and went and made her feel like an entirely different gender?

It didn't take long for her to stumble across the term 'Transgender'. And whilst she – or maybe he? – certainly did feel like the opposite sex at times, it still wasn't quite what her experience was like. Because how could she – he? – be male, when he – she? – still felt like a woman at times? Or like neither. Or like both. Or like something in-between.

Alex sighed. This transgender stuff at least seemed to go in the right direction, even if it didn't quite fit what Alex experienced.

Then there was the term genderfluid and Alex had to admit that it sounded kind of right. Sometimes one gender, other times another.

Also, there were different pronouns one could use!

The discovery explained actually quite a lot, Alex mused. How when Alex was young, Alex would sometimes feel as if Alex should use the boys toilet instead of the girls toilet. How Alex had chosen a name like Alex instead of Annie when the vampires had first taken Alex in.

When Alex glanced at the clock again it said that it was three in the morning, but considering the rush of knowing that there were terms and labels and that it might not be common, but it was valid all the same kept Alex awake.

Maybe Alex should try they/them pronouns?

They would have to ask Jody about that when she came back from her conference or retreat or whatever that was.

But when Jody came back their nerves were way too high strung and they threw the letter they had prepared into the trash.

Any time Alex thought they were ready it was the same. They would hype themselves up, write a coming out letter, read through the WikiHow about coming out as trans, take a deep breath, open up the door, see Jody sitting in the living room or kitchen, turn back, go into their room and throw away the letter.

A few weeks afterwards Claire showed up.

And with Claire their plan just... stopped. Alex didn't try to come out anymore, because whilst they were fairly sure that Jody would accept them Claire was an unknown.

Even on days where they were male Alex would wear bras and just push through the dysphoria. They would put on make-up. They would dress up as femme as they could. They would bite back the tears and bile and get a boyfriend and just try to be normal.

Claire was completely off the rockers, trying to hunt and just getting herself into danger with each dangerous thing she did. Alex tried to stay away from all of that. Claire wanted to make a fool out of herself by mistaking erotic cosplay as a vampire? Alex wouldn't have anything to do with it.

Then the Winchesters showed up. Because of course they did.

And then it turned out that Claire's hunt was actually a real hunt. Which was actually surprising. And Alex had to find out that their boyfriend was a vampire.

But afterwards? Alex felt that they could trust Claire the way they trusted Jody.

So they went into their room, took out some paper and a pen and wrote another coming out letter.

And they went into the living room where Jody and Claire where watching some show.

They gave them the letter.

And then Alex turned around and ran into their room, threw themselves onto their bed and cried. Which definitely hadn't been part of the plan.

Half an hour later there was a knock on the door. Alex didn't answer. Then the door opened and Jody entered and pulled them into a hug, whilst Claire hesitated at the door before turning away.

Alex hid their face in Jody's shoulder. Maybe they shouldn't have trusted Claire.

The next few days they didn't see much of Claire, but Jody made a show out of dragging them out on a male day and getting them – him? – to go shopping with her.

After a week Claire approached them.

“I'm sorry I haven't been such a good sister,” she said and Alex' head snapped up. “I... I got you this, as an apology.”

In Claire's outstretched palm was a small pin with three different sections, each with pronouns on them, and a small part that could be turned to point towards the sections.

Carefully Alex picked it up, then pinned it onto her blouse – setting the pin to show she/her.

The she grinned at her sister, who carefully grinned back at her, a bit of doubt in her eyes, but Alex knew that she wasn't doubting Alex identity, just whether this was the right present.

“Thank you, Claire.”

“No need to thank me. That's what sisters are for.”

“Then thank you for being such an amazing sister.”

As it would turn out, Claire was really, really good at giving warm and comforting hugs.


	17. NBLW

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **SPOILER: S10E08  
>  SHIP/CHARACTERS: Jody Mills/Joey Demoupied  
> WARNINGS: unintentional misgendering; mentions of alcohol and getting drunk**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soooo.... if you're wondering who Joey is, Jody mentioned xem once in S10E08 as a person she dated during her _wild phase_. I just took the idea and ran with it.
> 
> If I missed any warnings, I apologize. I used the looking through for warnings as a way to come down after quite a strong dizzy spell from listening to First Aid videos. Yes, I get dizzy when talking about such things. I blame the fact that I'm empathetic and feeling as if it's your own bone sticking through your skin instead of someone else's really leaves you behind not feeling good.
> 
> I mean, I'm getting better now, but... ugh.
> 
> In other news: I managed to make some more art. (Procrastinating so you don't have to write is a great motivator.) Please consider going back to Chapter 9 "Asexual" if you're interested in seeing some Castiel art. I do warn you, it's a totally different art style though.
> 
> NBLW means Non-binary Loving Women or something along those lines. In case you were wondering.
> 
> And this note is getting quite long, so I'll just vanish now and you can read the chapter. Enjoy!

Joey was having a fun night out with xir friends. People might say bad stuff about bikers, but most of them were really cool, even if they weren't part of the norm – or maybe because they weren't.

When Joey had come out to xir friends they had laughed, clapped xem on the back and asked xem if they finally knew whether xe could go on the next trip with them.

Joey said that xe still hadn't asked xir mother, but that was it.

They still ran around in leather jackets, they still drove on bikes through the US and they still were the best group of friends xe had ever had.

Life on the road treated them well. They were always seeing new places, meeting new people and just living in a way that xe hadn't managed before. There was something freeing that came with just living as xemself, Joey had found.

No lying, no pressure about conforming to society. Just xem and the road.

This evening Joey was in a bar. It was densely packed, people always bumbling into xem and sometimes even causing some of the beer to spill. Still, nobody cared. There was a slight buzz of alcohol, loud music and laughter, the way it should be.

Sometimes Joey would try and catch some woman's eyes, hoping for some fun time before xe had to go back to the road.

It would be lonely if xe didn't have xir friends, Joey could admit that.

But those were too deep thoughts for a bar like this. For this happy environment, full of people enjoying themselves.

Then, as xe turned around to talk with one of xir friends, xe discovered that he had disappeared and couldn't be seen through the mass of bodies blocking xir view. Instead there was a young woman standing at the bar now, and Joey couldn't help but give her a rough once-over.

She wore some kind of skinny shirt with a leather jacket on top of it and that was just _hot_. Xe would freely admit that there were few things sexier than confident ladies in leather jackets.

Where xe had grown up there were only few of these ladies and most of them disliked xem for being non-binary. Seriously, it was quite a surprise how xe had managed to find friend like xirs in a town like that. Accepting, open-minded and bikers. Xir parents hadn't been this supportive by far. In fact, they had just about stopped being supportive the moment xe had come out.

The woman had noticed xir looking at her and smiled a bit coyly, with underlying confidence.

Joey raised an eyebrow. “You here on your own?”

She laughed and nodded. “Why, you as well?”

Xe shook xir head. “Nah, my friends are here somewhere.” He cast a playful glare at the room. It would be a wonder if xe would see them again before the morning. Then again, if this was going to go the way xe wanted to, then that chance had just gotten way higher.

“They left you on your own? Jody.”

“Hm?”

“Oh, my name. I'm Jody.”

“Joey.”

“Nice to meet you!” Jody had to shout a bit over the music.

“You too! Say, I couldn't convince you to let me buy you a drink now, could I?”

“You're paying?” Jody shot xem a playful challenging look.

Joey raised an eyebrow. “For a woman like you? Every day.”

“I'll take that as a compliment.” She laughed and it was a really pretty laugh as well, Joey thought. It made her light up and her eyes crinkled lovingly.

“Any preferences?”

“You decide. I'm always open for something new, so surprise me.”

They both leaned against the bar as Joey called the bartender over to order their drinks.

“So, you live around here?” Jody asked. She gave xem a rough once-over. “I don't think I've ever seen you around before.”

“Ah, no. I'm on a trip across the country with my friends.”

“That sound really nice!”

Their drinks arrived. Joey took hold xir drink and gave Jody the other with a slight bow.

“M'lady,” xe grinned and Jody smiled back.

“Sir.” She gave a toast with her glass and Joey shifted a bit uncomfortably, but raised his as well.

When they sat their drinks back down Jody gave xem a look, that just screamed 'Don't you dare to bullshit me now' and Joey had to say that xe was inclined to say the truth after her, uh, lovely request. If there was one thing Joey knew for sure about Jody, it was that she would go places. Seriously, she had the making for one of those awesome authority figures that you sadly didn't see too often.

“Did it make you feel uncomfortable when I referred to you as 'sir'?” Jody asked, but unlike when most people asked this her expression was honestly kind and curious and any last doubts xe might have had about telling her disappeared.

“Kinda, I guess? Personally, I don't see myself as either male nor female.” Joey shifted a bit uncomfortably. Usually xe was trying to stay under the radar with that, just acting like any other male.

“Huh.” Jody took a sip. “Okay.”

“Okay?” xe asked, incredulous. “That's it?”

“Well, what else would there be?” she asked and leaned against the bar. “For such a gorgeous human I would be willing to put aside all thoughts of gender at any time.”

“Why, thanks!” Joey laughed, a bit embarrassed at the compliment, but willing to ignore that in favor of the endorphines rushing through him.

“So, what should I call you then?”

“I mean, you could just use he and him and all that.” Xe shrugged.

Jody shook her head with narrowed yes. “Oh, no. That doesn't seem to be something you'd actually like. So, what do you like.” It wasn't phrased as a question. She _really_ would make an awesome authority figure.

“Xe instead of he, xir instead of his and xem instead of him?”

“Is that a question?”

“No.” Her no-nonsense tone surprised xem, as well as how willing xe wanted to tell her everything. “What did you say you were doing right now?”

“I haven't said anything yet, but if you're curious... I'm currently at the police academy. Oh, and thank you for trusting me.”

“Uh, you're welcome. And I honestly think that you'll be a great police officer.”

“Thanks, Joey. Now, do you wanna stay here –“ She gestured at the mass of bodies surrounding them. “– or do you wanna go to my place for some fun time?”

Xe leered. “Well, if you're inviting me, how could I resist?”

Jody laughed and tugged xem with her by grabbing xir arm.


	18. NBLM

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **SPOILER: S09E01  
>  SHIP/CHARACTERS: Dean Winchester/Castiel  
> WARNINGS: Castiel deals with having fallen, so... Depression, I guess?; Dysphoria and figuring out one's gender**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Because everybody loves Destiel... Here's the long awaited Destiel chapter.
> 
> Regarding Gadreel... Uh, this is in between Cas arriving and Dean kicking him out? Or Dean told him no cause he and Castiel are in love? Or Sam isn't even possessed by Gadreel since he didn't try to do the trials? ...I'm not sure. You'll think of something.
> 
> Also, this is about a few hours later than usual, so I apologize to that, especially to everybody who's -- for some reason -- subscribed to this and is therefore probably waiting for some new chapter. On the other hand you can be lucky that i already planned and wrote most of this -- otherwise it might take me months to update xP

“Hey, Cas?” Dean turned around another corner. Whilst it was seriously great having the bunker and all the space that came with it at times, it could get very frustrating, especially when you were trying to find something or _someone_ as was the case right now.

Dean had already asked Sam for help but he had just laughed and shrugged before going back to his research. Nerd.

It had only been a few days since Cas had shown up at the bunker door, seriously de-powered and fully human.

At first it had been shocking seeing the angel in his new clothes, but Dean loved him – no matter Cas' clothes or powers. The relief that had shown on Cas' face shouldn't have been this intense – surely the angel must've known beforehand that Dean loved him no matter what.

Dean went around another corner.

But how could the ~~angel~~ man have known? Sure, Dean had told him often enough that he loved him – in his own way that was – but apparently he hadn't done so often enough. 

Or maybe he shouldn't have called Cas 'angel' in the morning. He probably should've guessed that that nickname might hit a sore spot which would cause Cas to disappear for the next few hours. 

Alas, the angel had glared at him out of his blue eyes, then turned around and whooshed out of that door, the bathrobe flowing behind him in an eerily similar way to the trenchcoat. 

Sam had just given him a look that screamed 'you fucked up, big bro' and then turned back to his cereal. 

Seriously, Sam, thanks for the help and support. It meant a lot. 

Half an hour later Dean had finally stumbled upon Cas. The angel had been leaning against the corner of some dusted in storage room along the outer bunker walls. He had leaned his head against his forearms which were crossed over his knees, his legs pulled against himself. The dark gray robe he was wearing almost perfectly hid him and Dean was glad that Cas had shifted just ever so slightly when he had entered the room, because otherwise he might not have found him. 

“Hey, Cas?” Dean slowly walked towards the angel, hands on instinct in the air, as if to show that he meant no harm. 

Cas didn't as much as shift. 

“You alright?” Silence. “I mean, you're probably not and that was just hugely inappropriate to ask, given this whole human-angel-thing you're just going through, but... Damn. I'm not good at this, Cas. I just... I mean, if you ever wanna talk, I'm here, okay? I'm not good at chick-flick moments, but I... I love you, alright? Human or angel – doesn't matter to me, okay? Just... talk. Talk to me, okay, Cas? I mean, I'm trying here, alright?" 

Cas pulled his left foot in again – it had been sliding towards Dean. 

“Just... I'm here if you need me, man.” Dean sighed and slowly lowered himself onto the cold and dirty concrete, pulling one knee up and laying his forearm on it. The cold floor was pressed against his ass and the wall pressed against his back unforgivingly. Damn, he was so getting too old for this. 

“I...” Cas shifted for the first time in half an hour. Not that Dean had been keeping count. He was willing to wait as long as Cas needed. Just... half an hour, man... Ugh. 

Slowly he lifted his head to look at the angel and shifted his weight into sitting crosslegged. 

Still, he stayed silent, just waiting for Cas to continue. 

“That is kind of the problem, Dean.” The angel's voice was even rougher than usual – something Dean hadn't thought was possible. Then again, the angel hadn't drunk anything in quite some time now, so it would make sense for his throat to be dry and therefore giving the angel an even deeper voice. 

“What do you mean?” Dean shifted slightly forward. Partly to relief his back and partly because he was genuinely interested in Cas' answer. 

“I... I'm no man, Dean. I'm an angel. I don't have a gender.” 

“Yeah, I know that, Cas. But you never seemed to have any problem with any of this –“ He gestured towards his own junk, then at Cas. “– before.” 

“Before, I was an angel. This was just a vessel. This was Jimmy Novak's body – it had no further meaning to me. I was... how do you put it... flying above all of this. I wasn't really... connected with the body in the way I am now. Before, I didn't have to urinate or wake up with an unprompted erection.” 

Dean just about held an 'oversharing, dude' back as he listened to Cas. 

“Now I am being constantly reminded that this body is male while I am not. It is... exhausting... and makes me wish to just get rid of this body. Although I probably would not have liked a female vessel either.” 

For the first time Castiel looked up and his blue eyes caught Dean's. He froze under that bright and intense stare, no less impressive than it had been back in that barn when he had first met Castiel. 

“Is there anything I can do for you?” Dean offered when it became clear that Cas was done. 

The angel shrugged. 

“How would I know?” he asked bitterly. 

“Okay, so... How about we go back to the kitchen, eat something, drink something and then we continue figuring this – whatever this is – out? That alright with you?” 

Cas slowly nodded and Dean clapped his hands once before pushing himself up. 

“Then lets go.” He grinned at Cas and Cas hesitantly smiled back. Boom, success! And also, hopefully Sam was still in the kitchen because this was so much more his area of expertise. Sure, Dean had known that Cas was genderless and he knew that there were a few monsters out there who had entirely different concepts of gender and he had even once met a person who said that they were both male and female at the same time – however that worker – but Sam was the one who was hugely interested in everything LGBT or however it was called. 

Dean knew that technically he should know more about all that than his brother – after all he wasn't as straight as Sam, but honestly? It had never really been an area of interest to him. People do what people do. 

Sam was the neat freak who would start to study all those boxes and categories and labels people would use. So, yeah, Sam was the person who should deal with Cas midlife crisis – could an angel even have a midlife crisis? – and Dean would just try to pick up whatever would be relevant to his interactions with Cas. 

He loved the angel enough to try and learn all that if that was what would help Cas. 


	19. NBLNB

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **SPOILER: S04E08  
>  SHIP/CHARACTERS: Sam Winchester/Castiel  
> WARNINGS: misgendering; discussions of religion; one-sided love; angst**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wohoo! Another set of pronouns. This time it's ne/nir/nem, a set of which a first version appeared sometime during the 19th century. Cool, right?
> 
> Not as cool is the fact that I've just about vanished inside the Sander Sides fandom (which is totally amazing, don't get me wrong), so now I'm really missing inspiration for my Supernatural fics. And my Dean sounds a lot like Roman and my Castiel sounds a lot like Logan, same with my Sam and it's just a huge mess. So, yeah, let's see whether I will get the last chapters done on time...
> 
> So, you might wanna read the last chapter again if you're one of the people who have suscribed to this story since I crossed out over half of it by mistake and only noticed today.
> 
> For anyone who ships Sastiel -- I'm sorry. Would you believe me that I actually like Sastiel as well and that I had planned them getting together and being happy? ...Probably not.
> 
> And with these ominous words, I'll just leave you alone to read the chapter. See y'all tomorrow!

“Sam Winchester. The boy with the demon blood.”

Nir whole life, Sam had prayed. Dean and Dad hadn't been religious, but through pastor Jim Sam had found nir way to faith and God. Back when they had been too young to hunt John would often give them to others to watch over them. Dean would often grumble, but Sam knew that it was only a token protest. Ne could see the weight lifting off of Dean's shoulders every time nir older brother could let go of being responsible for Sam once in a while and ne was grateful that Dean got the chance to be a kid from time to time as well. Ne knew that Dean sacrificed a lot to keep Sammy happy, but ne was even happier when ne could see Dean enjoying himself.

Sometimes they would spend these weeks with uncle Bobby, at other times with pastor Jim. Sam loved both of them. Bobby would take nem outside into the fields where they would throw balls and run around and play and pastor Jim would teach them. He would teach them about the Bible and about hunting.

Early on Sam realized the connection between the two of them. Demons existed in the Bible and they were monsters. And if demons were real, then angels were probably real as well.

At least that was the conclusion ne had arrived at early on.

So ne asked pastor Jim about angels, God and prayer. And ne prayed.

Every evening before Sam would go to sleep, ne would fold nir hands, close nir eyes and pray to the angels for guidance, protection and luck.

_Sam Winchester. The boy with the demon blood._

With the way nir life had been going so far, Sam wasn't really surprised at the fact that nir shitty luck would stay the same. Figures that the angels would love nir sinning older brother, but hate nem, even though ne had prayed nir whole life. It really just fit into nir life.

Afterwards Sam stopped praying.

Nir faith had been shattered, stomped on and thrown into the garbage by the very things ne had prayed to initially. There was a certain kind of irony to it. A bitter, poisonous irony. An acidic kind of irony that burned right through nir heart if Sam was inclined to be poetic about this. Which ne really wasn't.

Even so, ne couldn't help but be grateful – ne and nir brother may have sinned, but at least Dean would get salvation. As long as Dean would be saved, Sam would gladly continue drinking demon blood and even go to hell. As long as the angels would save Dean.

Still, over time Sam got used to the angels just popping up every now and again and nir hero-worship died down once and for all. They may have been the angels the Bible was based upon, but they certainly weren't the angels ne had prayed to all these years.

And as the hero-worship died down, Sam couldn't help but feel that there was now something more to it. Don't get nem wrong – ne still despised Uriel with all of nir demon-blood tainted soul – but ne couldn't help but come to appreciate Castiel. The angel often only appeared to talk with Dean and would seldom as much as glance at him.

Even so, Sam found nemself looking forward to seeing Castiel again. There was something... majestic about the other, something holy and so far out of nir league, but at the same time, the angel had such a down-to-earth attitude. Castiel noticed the little things about life and Sam would catch the angel following a bee with his eyes or just people watching in the rare moments ne saw him.

_The boy with the demon-blood._

After weeks of just watching, Sam finally figured out what it was. That it wasn't just admiration and hero-worship and awe, but that there was also the way ne found nemself tracking the angel's chapped lips – and how did he even notice that they were chapped? – and his impossibly blue eyes and the perpetual messy bed-head the angel didn't even seem to notice.

Ne had a crush.

And even though it took some time to even allow nemself to think of it as a crush, it took nem even longer to finally admit to nemself that maybe ne should tell the angel at some point. What's the harm? The angel already of nem as an abomination, that had been made crystal clear the first time they had met. It would be just another reason for the angel to despise nem.

(And what did that even say about nem that an _angel_ despised nem and a demon was nir best friend, huh?)

But there was also the way Castiel had said 'the _boy_ with the demon blood', even though he had quickly established that he could read their thoughts. Did that mean that he had intentionally called nem a boy, even though ne wasn't a boy? Did that mean that God did not accept people like nem? Or... was Sam wrong?

Not that God would accept nem anyways. His angels had told Sam that ne was wrong, His prophet had told nem that what ne was doing was wrong – there was no way ne could ever redeem nemself. Not in the eyes of God.

So even if wanting to be with an angel was a sin – Sam had nothing to lose.

Except maybe his dignity when the angel would reject nem.

Still, Sam couldn't bring nemself to even come out to Dean, never mind Castiel. Not to even mention coming out to the angel as in telling him ne loved him.

(Was him still the correct way to refer to the angel? After all Sam had seen him (her? Them?) in a female vessel already, as well as in a male vessel.)

Also, it wasn't as if ne hadn't had any other problems at the moment. With the ongoing process of seals breaking and nem not getting any closer to finally killing Lilith once and for all ne didn't have the time to even care about love, now did ne?

Instead ne was researching, traveling around the country, saving seals and drinking demon blood.

_The boy with the demon-blood._

_Sam Winchester. The boy with the demon blood._


	20. Queer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **SPOILER: S01E01; S01E12  
>  CHARACTER: Sam Winchester  
> WARNINGS: the word 'Queer' will be used**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so I know this is super late and I'm really sorry for that.
> 
> I'll probably look this chapter over again in about two days, since today was really stuffed and I've got a headache right now and I'm really glad I even got around to posting this. And tomorrow I've got lots of plans as well, so... we'll see when I'll be able to put up tomorrow's chapter. Either really early or this late again.
> 
> Good night! (Or good morning/day/evening)

Stanford turned out to be eye-opening when it came to a lot of things. It was whilst Sam was there that he first discovered the fact that he wasn't quite as straight as he may have thought previously. Stanford was just such an open-minded college with a lot of liberal and queer youth attending it.

Therefore it was the polar opposite to what Sam was used to. Living with Dad and Dean on the road had always been this... limiting environment. Whilst many people always talked about the freedom of just living on the road, being at one place the first day, another place the second day and discovering something new every time, for Sam it was more of a prison.

A moving prison for sure, but a prison.

And through all that it was also his home. He might not share Dean's view when it came to the Impala but in Sam's mind the car was still his home. Even when he had fought with Dad. Or maybe especially because of his fights with Dad.

Once Dean had turned eighteen Dad had gifted him the Impala and from there on Sam could choose whose car he would sit in. More often than not he would choose the Impala. Because Dean may tease him, but in the end he cared about Sam more than John ever would.

Still, there were a few things that Sam still felt the need to hide, even around Dean, and he did so without even thinking about it. Only when looking back, Sam would see the signs of him being queer. The way he would occasionally ogle guys. The way he blushed whenever a cute person complimented him – no matter the gender.

Once he got to Stanford Sam discovered other queer students, after Jess took him with her to a meeting of the school's GSA. Learning that what he was experiencing was normal? That there were terms he could use?

It was liberating. Jess was so sweetly supportive the whole time even, that Sam didn't have time to feel self-concious about how he was expressing and exploring this new (or old) part of himself. Deep down he knew, that with Dean at his side this whole process would've been a lot less smooth and filled with way more self-loathing.

Sure, Dean would support him, but where Jess would hug him in support, Dean would punch him – brotherly of course – and call him a 'bitch'.

Okay, Dean calling him 'bitch' wasn't all that bad. But he still liked Jess reaction way better – even if Dean would call it a 'chick-flick moment'. So sue him, he liked those moments. They made him feel safe and supported and that wasn't really something he'd had a lot of in the past.

After Jessica had died everything had gone bad again. Having to go back into the closet turned out to be worse than staying in the closet for the first time. Once he'd had that taste of... freedom and liberty and truly being _himself_... there was nothing like living your life.

The high that came with every person saved, with every monster killed, with every hunt completed just wasn't the same. It was just a pale and faded sense of what could be.

And then there was the day Dean had a heart-attack. Sam had always joked that one day the day would come that Dean would have a heart attack – but it wasn't supposed to be like this. It wasn't supposed to be Dean lying in a hospital bed, sickly and sweaty and looking weaker than he had ever looked as far as Sam could remember – and his big brother just seemed so _small_ at that moment. It wasn't supposed to end like this.

And Dean might have given up on his life, but Sam hadn't.

Instead he spent hours researching until he stumbled across the one faith healer in the country who seemed legimate.

Dean grumbled the whole drive to the faith healer and if Sam hadn't been so worried he would have probably punched his brother half-way through the drive. Instead he put on Dean's favorite cassettes and got him his favorite food. Usually he would try and get Dean to live healthier, but there really wasn't a reason for that right now.

There was an intense euphoria coursing through Sam when Dean actually got selected and healed – at least until he noticed the murders that were happening.

One gay teacher had been murdered. One _gay_ teacher had died because he hadn't been fast enough.

Somehow that death hit harder than most deaths Sam encountered in his line of work. Maybe it was just the fact that it hit a bit too close to home. Even killing the woman who had controlled the reaper couldn't get rid of the guilt that was choking up his throat.

The world seemed kind of muted and the usually bright and vibrant colors along the highway just seemed like on faded blur across a gray canvas.

“Dude, you okay?” Dean reached out to turn the music down and give him a side-glance.

Sam shifted uncomfortably. “Yeah, sure,” he lied.

Dean just gave him a _look_.

“No, seriously. You alright, Sammy? Cause there seems to be something about this case that left you rather rattled.”

“It... it may have hit a bit too close to home,” Sam reiterated his previous thoughts.

“How so?” Dean shifted slightly in a way that indicated that he was seriously interested and Sam felt his leg twitch nervously. Now or never, huh?

“I...” The words just seemed to get stuck inside his mouth and no matter how much he wanted to just continue speaking and just be _done_ with it, he couldn't.

The car swerved slightly as Dean pulled over.

“I'm listening, Sammy.” The usually gruff voice sounded a lot more like something you would use to calm a scared animal than the fearsome hunter Sam knew his brother could be.

“You know one of the dudes that had been murdered?” Sam fixed his view on a tree stump a bit ahead of them, therefore completely missing Dean's slightly widening eyes as if he already had a shimmer of an idea as for what Sam would be talking about.

“Uh-huh.”

“He... was gay. And he had been murdered for that. And it just made me realize how easily that could've been me, you know?”

“So, you're saying you're gay? But what about your girl Jessica?”

At the mention of his love, Sam felt himself choking up once again.

“No,” he rasped, then clearing his throat. “No,” he repeated, voice stronger, even if he still couldn't bring himself to look at his brother and see the possible disgust or hate in his brothers eyes. He wasn't sure what he would do if Dean were to reject him for his sexuality.

Dean waited patiently as Sam took another minute to get his bearings.

“I _am_ attracted to men. But I'm also attracted to women. I've got no real clue, honestly.” Sam chuckled lightly, before the fear took hold of him again and he quieted down.

Dean's arm pulled him against his big brother's chest and Sam gladly hid his face in the crook of Dean's neck.

“Thanks for telling me, Sammy,” Dean whispered and tightened his grip. “I'm real proud of you, kiddo.”

And Sam's arms snaked around Dean's torso and held tight as if he were still a kid.

And for a short moment life was alright.


	21. Questioning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **SPOILER: S14E06  
>  CHARACTER: Jack Kline  
> WARNINGS: mentions of zombies, mentions of stalking, mentions of blood -- you know what I'm talking about if you've seen S14E06**

Dean had promised to give him The Talk when they got home and Jack was quite curious as for what that would entail.

Back when they had been on the hunt and Harper had stared at him the entire time, Dean had told him that Harper wasn't in love with him, but somehow Jack couldn't really believe him. Because why else would she asks him about believing in love at first sight?

Jack had seen the TV shows. When somebody wanted to date another person, they would try and find out, whether that other person was attracted to them as well. According to those shows Harper was trying to figure out whether Jack was in love with her. Since they had just met and that was what falling in love at first sight was supposed to be. At least according to those shows.

So – naturally – Jack had asked Dean to tell him about sex, because if there was one thing he had learned from the TV shows, it was that people always asked these questions first and then had sex. But what was shown in those shows was faked and sometimes unrealistic or abusive according to people on the internet. Even if Sam had told him not to trust the people on the internet, because they could be fake.

Having seen Dean flirt with various women before, Jack therefore reasoned that Dean must have lots of sex as well and would therefore know about it. Like Bobby would always say. When you practice a punch really often, then you would get better. So given that Dean had sex very often, it was to be expected that he would be very good at it.

Then Dean had told him that another guy was dead, had shouted and then the phone call had cut off. Jack knew that Dean had fought a lot of monsters, so he had a lot of training, so the chances were that he would survive. Therefore he decided to stay with Harper, like Dean had told him to.

Still, the entire matter around how to treat her was still nothing Jack was sure about. In general, according to the TV shows, people would feel an attraction towards each other so that they would flirt. But how did you know that you had an attraction towards other people?

Jack resolved to put it on an ask list for later on when Dean could finally tell him about sex. Because as useful as those TV shows could be sometimes, they never showed how exactly sex worked. So the only things Jack knew was that people would flirt by complementing one another, then pull of their clothes and afterwards it was usually too dark to see much except for some skin on the back of a person to shine in a light that shouldn't exist. So, basically, he knew nothing.

Then Harper asked him to get coffee and Jack had answered that he didn't know because Sam and Dean never let him try any coffee, saying that he was too young to get addicted to caffeine. But Bobby would sometimes shove a 'Coke' at him, wink and tell him that there was caffeine in there. Jack liked Cokes. They were always bubbly and sometimes tickled in his nose when he drank them. Also, they were really sweet.

Coffee instead always smelled not as sweet and more warm and bitter and Jack had no idea as for why people would find something that even smelled bitter appealing. After all, everything tasted better once you put sugar in it and nothing could be sweet and bitter at the same time. Therefore, coffee couldn't really smell good.

Jack was still mulling over coffee once they had finished their case and Dean sat in front of him with a mug with the steaming liquid in front of him.

“And that's love?” he asked Dean, his thoughts flashing back to Harper who had resurrected her boyfriend so that they could be together forever, even if he was a murdering zombie.

“Eh, actually love can get crazier than that,” Dean replied and took a sip, before hissing when it burned his mouth.

Jack understood the sentiment of hissing when taking something that was too hot into his mouth – first it burned and then it was kind of weird feeling and a bit like goosebumps on his tongue, which was an even weirder feeling – but not how love could get even crazier than that.

“But how do you know that you're in love?” Jack wanted to ask. “How do you know who you're attracted to?”

“And it might get crazier with Harper still out there,” Dean continued and Jack didn't ask his questions.

He would just have to make a list and sit down with Dean again, once they would get to a topic other than hunting, so that Dean could finally explain love and sex and attraction to him. Eventually.

“But, uh, you did good, kid.”

For now this seemed like it was more important than getting answers to his questions. After all, Dean really didn't praise him very often and Jack was determined to enjoy every second of him just sitting here with Dean at the kitchen table. Also, this was his chance to convince Dean to take him on more hunts.

“And?” Jack prompted him.

“And what?”

“I was right and you should be letting me go out on hunts.” The scratching itch at the back of Jack throat was starting to act up again.

Then, whilst talking with Dean, he couldn't hold it back anymore and began coughing, holding his hands in front of his mouth so that Dean wouldn't catch sight of the inevitable blood sprinkles all over his hands.

He tried to continue the conversation, but then there wasn't just blood on his hands but it was dripping down over his mouth and the coppery smell invaded his breath.

The walls turned gray, then they vanished under a layer of darkness, before the world came rushing at him and he knew no more.

The last thing he saw was Dean's panicked face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy birthday to me,  
> happy birthday to me,  
> happy birthday dear River_of_Dawn,  
> happy birthday to me.
> 
> Yeah, so as it turns out, it's actually my birthday today, which is part of the reason why this is so late.
> 
> Also, just as a quick note, I'm glad that so many people are reading this and subscribing, but if you could consider leaving a kudo or bookmark or a comment? Those are way more inspirational and I still have some chapters to write -- whenever I get around to doing that, of course.
> 
> In other news: my overall kudos count just reached 2000 -- so a huge thank you to everybody who's ever left a kudo on any of my stories. This is something I had never thought possible, back when I had just started writing and uploading fanfiction.
> 
> Anyhow, hope you enjoy your day/night!


	22. Demigirl

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **SPOILER: S11E12  
>  CHARACTER: Claire Novak  
> WARNINGS: angst; coming out**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Claire is just a fluffy ball of angst and sarcasm and I love it.

> _Claire_
> 
> _Lesbian_
> 
> _she/her; they/them_

She took a deep breath, then clicked _confirm_.

The page refreshed, showing her updated Instagram bio. No going back now.

Just doing this seemed a bit crazy. Even when there was nothing crazy about it. Everybody already knew she was a Lesbian, now she was just adding they/them as pronouns.

Still, it felt like a huge step for them. They had known that they weren't as much of a girl as everybody else, but ever even suspected that this would be the result of the long-ass Google binge she had done last Saturday.

But it was June and she thought that it was time to update their Instagram bio. Coming out – if updating your pronouns could even count as coming out – was something Claire had been sure she wanted to do over social media. That way they wouldn't make a huge deal out of it – and if anybody else would chose to do so that would be on them, not on her.

It somehow made this whole coming out thing a lot less daunting than listening to other people's experiences had. To be fair, that might have something to do with her three-hour YouTube Coming-out Fails binge. Just maybe.

Anyways, it was done, and whilst they could feel the huge weight lifting off of her shoulders, there seemed to be a band of anxiety tightening across her ribcage, making it hard to breath. Anxiety.

Claire often had had to deal with some form of anxiety or another in the past, but that had mostly been due to 'will the monster kill me before I can gank it or not' as opposed to 'will my family still accept me'.

Things had changed since they had first gotten taken in by Jody. They now had a roof over their head and somebody who actually cared about her. It was alien, but so, so good. The thought of loosing all of that? Frightening to say at least. Terrifying. Crazy. Insane. But it somehow seemed impossible at the same time.

Jody had barely blinked when Claire had confessed to her that she was Lesbian. Jody had scolded her when she did something dumb, but never once had she hurt her or made them think that she would kick them out.

With Jody came safety and support and acceptance.

So why were they doubting her now? What had changed?

Nothing. Nothing had really changed.

Still, the fear didn't just vanish.

But even so, who could tell when Jody – or Alex for that matter – would finally see their new bios all over their social media? It could take weeks until they would notice and she knew that there was no way that she could just wait this anxiously until they would finally talk to her in a month or so.

Claire wasn't really an overly patient person. Sure, they were willing to wait until the werewolf would come back but outside of hunting they had no patience to speak of. It had often annoyed their parents – back when she had still lived with them and they had been alive enough to get calls from school.

Dad would always frown disapprovingly as long as Mom watched, but once she wouldn't look, Dad would send her a wink and grin, showing them that he wasn't actually mad. And Mom would always come in late at night before they had to go to bed and hug Claire tightly, and they would promise to do better in the future.

Claire missed Dad. They had gotten used to his absence, but seeing Castiel not too long ago and torn that wound open again. They knew, that even though Castiel wasn't their father, they would still obey as though he was if put on the spot and that sometimes scared Claire.

But at the same time, looking at the Grumpy Cat Castiel had gifted them and thinking of Jody and Alex... it felt like family. And even the Winchesters kind of counted as family as well, because whilst Claire might not always like them and agree with them, they were still good people in the bottom of their hearts. Even if they could sometimes really suck.

And above all, these were all people Claire trusted immensely. Enough, to come out to them.

Pondering all that, Claire slightly leaned forward on their bed, staring with unseeing eyes on the black screen of their phone. Had they done the right thing? Should they have send their family a text explaining her decision?

But... it wasn't too late to do that now, was it?

They pressed the power button quickly before they could loose their courage again.

No time like the present, huh? Also, it wasn't as if coming out could damage her reputation very much anymore, given the fact that all involved – aside from Castiel – had already been part of their greatest hunting fails highlight reel during the most embarrassing dinner they had ever had to sit through.

Their thumb hovered over the _Message_ button. If they did this there was no going back. But there also wasn't any coming back from dying – at least not if your last name wasn't Winchester – and that had never stopped them from hunting. So why would simply being open about who they were be scarier?

 _Dear Jody,_ Claire started off, then deciding that that was too formal.

_Hey, I would prefer if you would use they/them pronouns for me, but she/her is also cool. Thanks!_

It might not be the most eloquent, but it was something, so Claire decided to just hit send. Then they copied the message and sent it to the other people in their contact list.

They were just about to send the one for Dean when their phone vibrated shortly and a pop-up informed them that they got a new message. They quickly hit send before clicking onto the pop-up.

Now that they had sent everybody their message, Claire could feel the adrenaline kick in again.

_Hey, Claire! Real proud of you for telling me :) -Jody_

_Thank you so much for your nice reaction!!!_

_Of course! Should I call you by another name? Or is Claire still fine? -Jody_

_Claire is fine. Really, thank you so so much <3_

_When I get home you'll get a hug ;) I love you <3 -Jody_

_< 3 <3 <3_

Their phone buzzed again with another new message, but this time the anxiety was as good as gone and they opened it with anticipation coursing through their veins.


	23. Demiboy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **SPOILER: S06E01  
>  CHARACTER: Ben Braeden  
> WARNINGS: transphobic slurs mentioned**

Dean was a kinda weird guy. When Ben had met him the first time two years ago he had flirted with Mom and talked with Ben about all kinds of stuff – which admittedly had been cool. Overhearing Mom and Dean talk about Dean possibly being their father had been less cool.

But whatever. After a few days Dean was gone and life was back to normal – until he showed up on their doorstep – again. This time he wanted to live with them.

Which... Cool. Whatever. If Dean wanted to live with them that was his thing. But the fact that Mom had actually allowed it? That just wasn't cool. She hadn't even talked with them!

Dean was just an outsider barging into _their_ life. And, sure, Ben had no problems with Dean as a guy. But with Dean as their almost-father? That was something totally different.

Sure, Dean was willing to teach them about cars – because if there was one thing Ben had learned when they had told Mom that they were more a boy than a girl, it was that boys liked cars – which was really cool, because they were really interesting. But that didn't mean that Ben would trust him with their greatest secret.

To be honest, it was kind of not really a secret, given the fact that the school administrators, their Mom, their aunt, their doctor and all other kinds of people knew, but it was still something Ben didn't really liked to share.

If people saw a boy, they called them 'he' and Ben was cool with that. Were they to tell them that Ben wasn't _really_ a boy, that they had been born a girl and that they even preferred to not... completely be a boy, people would think that they were crazy.

So even those who knew that Ben had been born a girl, they still assumed that they were a normal boy. Which honestly wasn't all that bad.

But, still, when Dean started living with them, Ben knew that sooner or later they would have to tell Dean about themselves. About the way that they simply... were.

Even though they were seen as a boy they had still paid attention in health class when the teacher talked about being female – mainly because their biology still was female. And Ben was eleven. They could see the signs coming. They knew that their breasts would grow and that their voice wouldn't drop and that they wouldn't grow facial hair and all that.

They had already talked with Mom about taking hormone blockers and had decided to do it, but even so it would be glaringly obvious that Ben wasn't a real boy. A biological boy. A cis boy. They would lack the beard and growth and all that stuff that came along with a male puberty. And they would be lacking until Ben was eighteen and they could get hormone shots.

So, yeah, sooner or later Dean would notice.

And Ben would honestly prefer telling Dean on their terms, not by being forced to tell him what was wrong with them. That there was something wrong with them. That their father had sent along the wrong chromosome – and maybe even tell him that even this other chromosome wouldn't have been exactly what they wanted.

And then Dean would reject them. Dean wouldn't want to tell a _tranny_ how to deal with cars. Dean would want a real son. Not... not them. Not this mess consisting out of half boy half other.

Ben hadn't had these kind of thoughts since they had told their mother about how they were feeling. Back then, telling her had been natural and freeing. Now telling Dean – who was basically a complete stranger and maybe their father – was frightening. They couldn't quite comprehend themselves why it was frightening. They had nothing to lose and if Dean decided that he didn't like them, what was the harm?

The harm was that Dean could so easily destroy them with all that knowledge about themselves.

Ben had seen videos of guys on YouTube proudly stating that they were trans and showing off their transition pictures, but Ben just wanted to remain stealth. Dean could destroy that. With just a few words all of that would be gone.

But then again, who knew how long Dean would stay with them? Maybe he would stay with them for years and it was always better to not start off with secrets.

Ben flopped down onto their bed and stared at the ceiling.

They would just wait for Dean to come home and then ask him to come with them to their room and then they would tell Dean.

Still, it was only afternoon and Dean mostly got home just in time for dinner – as far as Ben had been able to discern in the last three weeks of Dean living with them. But the longer Dean stayed with them, the earlier he came home, so they suspected it might have something to do with the fact that Dean had arrived without his brother and even refused to talk about him. Also, whenever the topic of siblings or similar things came up or when Dean was just left alone his face would scrunch up a little as if he was very sad.

At times Ben would walk over and just sit with him, but most of the time they didn't because it really wasn't any fun comforting an adult. Still, they did it anyway, because when coming out to any person at all you would want them to like you before you actually out yourself. And sharing emotional moments was something that helps people bond – according to JK Rowling at least.

And even if that wasn't so, there was always this... feeling of happiness that came when Dean was teaching Ben about cars and other things that a father would teach his son, so Ben also kind of wanted to... repay him, in a way.

And they wouldn't just repay him by being there for him, but also by sharing their secret. Because whether they liked it or not, Dean was as good as family, so they might as well behave that way.

Also, if Dean accepted them and continued to behave like a dad was meant to? That would just about be one of the most awesome things ever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so since she was mentioned here: I, personally do not support JK Rowling, especially when it comes to opinions about trans people. Trans women are women, trans men are men and non-binary is real. Every single identity I write about in this collection is one that is valid and that I support. And if you don't like it, that sounds like a you-problem.
> 
> Hugs for all of you <3
> 
> (also, I kinda uploaded on time??? crazy, right?)
> 
> Spoiler: Dean totally did accept Ben. Dean just ruffled their hair and hugged them and asked Ben if they wanted to go outside and work on the car.


	24. Genderqueer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **SPOILER: S05E04  
>  CHARACTER: Dean Winchester  
> WARNINGS: referenced/implied child abuse (aka mentioning John Winchester)**

When Dean mentioned Rhonda Hurley and her satiny and pink underwear to his older and way more asshole-ish counterpart he knew what the situation would look like from the outside. Like some sort of weird fetish or kink.

Which... it really wasn't.

It wasn't about the thrill that came with cross-dressing, it was more about feeling right when wearing clothes that weren't quite as masculine as what he was used to. It was about this way of saying 'eff you' to gender and sex and all of that. It was about expressing himself in a way that felt comfortable and just... _real_.

And he knew that others would think of Rhonda Hurley as some kind of hook-up, which she really hadn't been.

Instead she had been an outgoing genderqueer woman at Dean's school – or at least at that school, Dean had been to way too many schools to call one of them his school – who just couldn't care less about gender and everything assigned to it and was one of the most badass women Dean had ever had the pleasure to meet.

Despite all the crap people gave her about all this, she continued to mix up her style, going to school in a bow-tie and suitjacket coupled with a skirt and leather boots, green lollipop in her mouth. When she had met Dean – or rather when he had ran into her in the hallway – she had just grabbed his arm and tugged him along with her. From that moment on the two of them had become friends and they would spent their breaks together.

Dean had been really glad that Sam had been too young to go to that particular school and that John never really cared much about his friends, as long as they were human, because Rhonda would've made him flip out and beat Dean's ass.

Instead Rhonda invited Dean over to her house just on his fourth day at that school.

“You're not straight, right?” Was the first thing she said when they had closed the door to her room behind her.

Dean just stood there with his mouth open.

“Come on, we don't have time for a sexuality crisis. So. You're not straight.”

Dean shook his head silently.

“Cool! Seriously, there are _wayyy_ too many straight folks at our school – it's horrendous. But anyways, that's not why we're here. Come on, put away your shoes and socks, it's better to do this with bare feet.”

Given the fact that Dean had come over so that they could do their homework together he didn't really see the benefit in doing things barefoot but he wasn't about to argue with the tornado that was Rhonda Hurley.

Whilst getting rid of his socks and being positively _delighted_ in the comfy carpet, Rhonda had gone over to a compartment of her drawer and started putting tiny bottles in different colors on her bed.

“Sit down, Dean-o,” she invited him with a big swoop of her hand, gesturing towards the hot pink sheets, her bright eyes sparkling full of life.

“So, what's this gonna be?” Dean dared to ask.

“We're gonna paint our nails and then watch a movie. Maybe do some homework later. What did you think that was gonna be?”

“Well, you invited me over to do homework, so...” Dean trailed off, only then noticing that painting his nails actually sounded like it could be a lot of fun.

“And we're gonna do that. Later. First we have to paint our nails.”

“As you wish, M'lady.” Dean bowed with a grand gesture and Rhonda laughed.

“I knew there was a reason I liked you. And now sit down!”

“Okay, okay!” Dean laughed as well and jokingly lifted his hands in surrender before sitting down on the mattress and positively _melting_. That shit was comfy as heck! If he ever had a stable home – which probably wouldn't ever happen, who was he kidding – he would have to get a mattress like that.

Rhonda sat down next to him and held out the different paints.

Dean let his eyes skim over them and caught onto a really bright blue.

“This one for you?” Rhonda held the blue up and Dean nodded, suddenly shy. “Okay, should I do this for you? Or do you want to try and do it yourself?”

“You should do it. I wouldn't wanna mess it up.”

And she did it.

Afterwards they watched a movie, letting their nails dry – Rhonda had picked out some garish orange color that still kind of seemed to fit for her – and then they actually did their homework. In any other school Dean wouldn't have cared about the homework since he was gonna drop out eventually anyway, but with Rhonda doing his homework was really fun. They would snack all the while, lying on their stomach and joking around.

When Dean had to leave they put their socks back on and promised one another to see each other again soon.

The next few weeks became some of the best of Dean's life.

But – as always – they had to leave town sooner or later. Dean already knew that he would miss Rhonda and their afternoons together. Over time Rhonda had let Dean try on her panties and dresses and make-up and all of it had just helped Dean feel that much more real.

Having to go and say goodbye to Rhonda hurt.

When she heard that he was gonna leave, she hugged him tightly and ran upstairs to shove the tiny bottle with bright blue nail polish in his hand. The one bottle they had painted Dean's nails with that first time.

Since then they had changed it up and at that moment Dean was wearing dark red nail polish hidden underneath his socks, but the fact Rhonda gave this one to him meant the world.

“Stay this awesome, Dean, okay?” Rhonda had whispered in his ear when they hugged a second time and Dean had nodded into her hair. The slight curls that were tickling his nose were something he would've usually cited as the reason for his tears, but with Rhonda he had learned to be himself, so he allowed himself to cry openly.

“I'll miss you,” he choked out.

“I'll miss you too,” Rhonda answered and he could hear a slight sob in her throat.

Then he turned around and went back down the driveway, not looking back as he left his best friend behind. As soon as his feet hit the pavement of the road he shoved that nail polish into his trouser pocket and swore to never let Dad catch wind of it.

The next time he applied nail polish was in a motel bathroom hidden behind a locked door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guess who's still procrastinating by watching all kinds of Thomas Sanders content?
> 
> ... Yeah, it's me. I'll finish those missing chapter eventually.
> 
> ... Hopefully...
> 
> Go check out Thomas Sanders, he deserves all the love!
> 
> So... back to my content... This chapter is by far my favorite. I was really stumped for a long time, had no idea who to write about, what to write about and then I just suddenly wrote this chapter in one setting and I absolutely love it. Just... the idea that the whole panty thing wasn't a kink but instead Dean being genderqueer was just so awesome to write about and I'm almost sad that I had to limit this, cause I didn't want these to get much longer than 1000 words per chapter. This one's just about exactly 1000 actually.
> 
> Also, when I wrote Rhonda about two seconds in, my inner eye just switched to Gabriel being Rhonda and I actually love that idea a lot??? So, I don't know whether it's the same for you, but to me that was Gabriel in disguise cause he had been keeping an eye on his brother's vessels for a long time.


	25. Agender

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **SPOILER: S09E01  
>  CHARACTER: Castiel  
> WARNINGS: Depression (kind of); Homelessness; Dysphoria**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one's basically canon, just saying...
> 
> Also, guess who finally got off of their lazy butt and managed to write another chapter? Yes, it's me! I am almost starting to believe that this will actually be finished the way I intended to finish it, which has never ever happened before.

Throughout his life Castiel had had to deal with many difficult situations.

Back when he had been but a fledgeling angel, his greatest worries had been to not let his siblings down – to just obey and be a good soldier.

Then Earth and other – more... mortal and vulnerable – life had been created and Castiel had been fascinated. There was something about that life, about that giant ball of dirt and water and _life_ that just endlessly fascinated him.

So, obviously, he had been there when the first fish crawled onto land and took it's first breath over water. How could he not?

But afterwards things got much more complicated really quick. Or maybe it just seemed quick to Castiel who had been left without any guide on what to do and who had taken the opportunity to observe life as it created itself and grew into all these wonderful creatures that God had designed at the very beginning of the universe.

It wasn't a huge surprise therefore when Castiel was assigned towards the garrison that watched over Earth. But back then they had been family, not a band of soldiers.

Then humanity came to be and Lucifer fell and the War began and Lucifer Fell and afterwards nothing was the same anymore. That had been the first time Castiel had been afraid.

All around Castiel things were changing quickly and suddenly he was supposed to fight.

He would go down to Earth to smite and he would help solve conflict between his brothers by slaughtering them.

With time doubts cropped up. Doubts about how he could dare erase life and just end something God had designed.

From that point on everything just got worse.

Eventually he would take a vessel for the second time and rescue Dean Winchester.

From that point on everything just got worse much faster.

Dean and Sam caused him to doubt again and to eventually betray Heaven – something no angel had done since Lucifer Fell.

In quick succession he managed to meet Raphael, Gabriel, Lucifer and even Michael when before he had only heard stories about the might of archangels. And then he didn't just see them, but instead he defied them, all the while cursing the fact that he had ever met Dean Winchester, whilst refusing to acknowledge the fact that he really didn't mind all that much.

Then he managed to molotov Michael and then get killed by Lucifer – which made him the angel who had been destroyed by archangels the most – before being resurrected again.

Afterwards he started a war against Raphael and let Leviathan loose and then spent a year in Purgatory.

But even all of that wasn't as bad as the fact that he had now fallen once and for all.

Sure, he had come very close to falling before, but he had never completely and utterly lost his grace as he had now, Castiel contemplated, whilst looking up at all the bright streaks soaring through the sky. His siblings must be shouting in pain.

But throughout it all, Castiel just felt numb.

Jimmy Novak had been his vessel for years now, but the moment it stopped being his vessel and started being his _body_ there was just something about it that felt _wrong_. 

He was a bright creature of Grace, not... not this. Being confined to this body, having to rely on it's senses? It just felt wrong.

But it felt even worse when people started laughing at him being confused about the simplest human things. And so many things only came to his attention once he started to focus on them – out of need. When he stopped in front of toilet stalls, wondering why they were separated by sex, when everybody needed to pee – no matter their genitals, some of which might not even fit into only male and female – and getting even more confused when it came to what bathroom he should use.

He was a celestial being. He had no gender. And being forced to use the male restroom just because Jimmy Novak had been male felt wrong.

Still, he would have to deal with it until he reached Lawrence where he could meet up with Sam and Dean.

Sometimes he got lucky and was able to find stalls with just a single toilet that weren't differentiated by sex. It had a surprising influence on him and was able to stop fluctuating hormones that would cause raised levels of anxiety as was now always happening when he used the male facilities.

It was weird and it took a while for Castiel to find out what it was. Not that he didn't know that it was some form of anxiety, but that this anxiety was connected to his vessel... his body. And not even the fact that he now had a body, but just the fact that the body had a penis and that it was growing a beard. A penis was used for the creation of further life, something Castiel had never been intended to do, since birthing nephilim had been forbidden, and something Castiel never wanted to do. Even if his body would sometimes protest that and get aroused at the most inopportunate instances. Another thing he would have to ask Dean about.

But this... all of this also made him a male in the eyes of human societal rules and whilst before he could always be sure that he was an angel and therefore no human without his grace he was missing that. Without his grace he was a human. Therefore he was male. But Castiel _wasn't_ male and he had never been male before and even if such a thing was natural to humans it was very frightening to him who had never had time to get used to it.

Also, there were all these inconveniences Castiel now had to deal with. Hunger, thirst, pain, urinating... Also, he would stink so easily and his body would fail him at times, demanding sleep when he wasn't safe enough to grant himself sleep. How did humans – other humans, that was, now that he was human himself – deal with all of that?

Castiel stared at the razor in his hand that he had been gifted and that he had used to shave for the first time since he had fallen. The smooth face felt good. It felt more like himself, less connected to the human constructs of gender.

Maybe there was a way to take his own destiny in his own hands, even whilst he was human. Sam and Dean had done so often enough and he had just managed to do the same.

Maybe it would all turn out okay.


	26. Polyamorous

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **SPOILER: S02E18; S03E12; S04E01; S04E08  
>  SHIP/CHARACTERS: Gabriel/Dean Winchester/Castiel/Sam Winchester  
> WARNINGS: mentioned incest; implied/referenced sex between consenting (male) adults; jealousy (is that a warning?); self-loathing**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uh, yeah, so it's late evening again? Sorry! I just got back from my friend's birthday party, so... XD

Dean had been there Sam's whole life. As far as he could remember, Dean had been taking care of him. Dean was his only constant in a world that was shifting all the time.

Sam thought he knew Dean. He really did.

But then Dean started hooking up with the Trickster some time after he had escaped from hell. And that had been a surprise. Because Dean hated anything and everything that wasn't human. So there wasn't any possible future where he had imagined Dean hooking up with the Trickster.

Or at least it was hooking up at first and the most Sam knew about it was, that Dean would take a room for himself and the rest of the night Sam would be kept awake by the sheer _noise_ they were making.

Until he had actually seen the Trickster walk out of the motel room one time, Sam had always suspected that Dean had just taken some ladies from wherever they were at that point.

So, the Trickster had been a surprise. But Sam knew Dean and he had known that there was always such a thing about Dean where he would sometimes hook up with people that were male.

Also, back when they had first met the Trickster, Dean and him had flirted quite a bit. Sure, the Trickster had teased Sam as well, but to be honest, it had mostly been Dean that always got off easy on the tricks. Where Sam would get hunted by some dude in a chainsaw, Dean would be offered a threesome with what had to be models. Where Sam would slowly go insane after his brother died again and again, Dean would remember nothing.

It was clear as day that the Trickster was only interested in Dean, so he should feel really glad, especially considering the fact that it hadn't ended very well for Sam whenever he had caught the attention of the Trickster.

Then there was the fact that Dean still flirted with Castiel. And that did surprise Sam. Because Dean had never been a person to be unfaithful once he had committed to something.

And a few weeks afterwards, the Trickster would announce that he was apparently Gabriel. The archangel. Sam didn't even know why he was surprised anymore.

They were facing the end of the world, the apocalypse, Armageddon and Dean managed to hook up with the only archangel that had been keeping himself neutral.

Also, it was no wonder know, why Gabriel wouldn't want to deal with Sam as gently as he did with Dean. Sam was the _boy with the demon blood_ , he was the _failure_. Dean wasn't the one who had condemned the Earth and all of humanity.

When Castiel stopped stopping by in Sam's motel room, it wasn't surprising.

And in the neighbor-room Dean would have fun with his angels.

It was kind of ironic.

Dean had somehow garnered the attention of two angels and somehow convinced them both to be in a relationship with him – and wasn't that kind of incest? – and Sam, who had prayed his whole life, had been left over. It wasn't fair – but then again life had never been fair when it came to anything Winchester related. He should've gotten used to it by now.

Instead he was just lounging on his bed, leaning against the wall – the bedframe digging into his back – and his laptop on his lap – getting uncomfortably hot with the extended use.

The internet had no new revelations regarding anything to do with the end of the world. Therefore Sam had decided that he should just try and find any hunt at all. Just so he had something to do.

And it should better be nearby, because driving for hours whilst your brother was talking with his _boyfriends_ whilst one of them – Gabriel – was teasing him and making innuendos was a special kind of torture.

~~Especially if you just wanted the angels to look at you like they looked at your brother.~~

But even when he tried a larger radius, there just wasn't _anything_ suspicious coming up. They had had to deal with all kinds of monsters because the end of the world was nigh for months without any time to rest, but now there was _nothing_? It might seem a bit paranoid, but good things don't just happen. Especially not to a Winchester. Especially not during the apocalypse. They just didn't.

The only possible explanation for that kind of behavior would be that there was an even worse monster out there. Just that it apparently was a monster that left behind no tracks, no deaths, no nothing.

Sam might have wished for a hunt, but not that sort of hunt.

Also – he winced as there was a dull _thump_ from the next room as if the bedframe had hit the wall – he _really_ didn't want to interrupt them. Not any time soon at least. There were some things one really didn't need to see or know and his brother's sex life was among those things.

He turned back towards his computer, intent on ignoring both the rhythmic thumping behind the next wall and his tiredness. Sam yawned.

The next thing he knew, sunlight was filtering into his room and with a look at the clock on the nightstand he confirmed that he had gotten over five hours of sleep. No wonder he felt better rested than usual. Not that that was a very hard thing to achieve.

He rubbed the sleep out of his eyes and sat up, stretching slightly.

“Morning, Samshine!” a voice greeted from the chair at the kitchen table and Sam threw himself off the bed.

Only then did he realize that he was currently pointing a gun at an archangel, who was lounging on the chair, his feet up on the table.

“Gabriel?” he asked astonished. “What are you doing here?”

“What? You're not happy to see me, Sambo?” Gabriel arched an eyebrow and challengingly crossed his arms. “I'm hurt.”

“No, you're really not,” Sam stated dryly and turned away from the figure that had invaded his room. Where had he put his clothes again?

Sam walked over to the chair on which he had thrown his dufflebag the last night when they had checked in.

“Nah, not really,” the archangel freely admitted. “Still, I wanted to see how you were doing. I mean, you radiate such jealousy when you see me, Cas and Dean.”

“Cas, Dean and I,” Sam corrected before freezing, noticing what the angel had said, that he had just corrected an archangel's grammar and feeling his face begin to burn.

Said archangel started laughing. “No need to be embarrassed, Samoose. You know, if you wanted to join in on the fun, all you had to do was ask.”

“I'm straight, though,” Sam felt the need to point out.

“Nobody said you had to have sex. I mean, I and your brother may –“

“Okay, okay! Enough!”

“So... You're gonna ask?” Gabriel seemed like a child, looking up at him, full of suspense and excitement. Seriously, how come this guy was a millennia old archangel?

“I... but what should I ask?”

“How about: 'Hey, Gabriel? Is it cool with you if we would just cuddle once in a while? I'm a lonely dude and need some company'?” he suggested.

“Hey, Gabriel? Is it cool with you if we have a platonic relationship?” Sam asked, an exasperated tone in his voice that couldn't quite hide his fondness for the archangel's antics.

“Sure! And before you ask: I already talked with Dean-o and Cassie about it and they're cool with it as well. As long as there's nothing weird between you and Dean – his restriction.”

“Yeah, no, that's seriously not a problem.” Sam laughed.

“Welcome to the family, Samshine!”

“Uh, I was already part of Dean's family before you came along, you know that, right?”

“Eh, semantics.”


	27. Skoliosexual

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **SPOILER: S08E18  
>  CHARACTER: Krissy Chambers  
> WARNINGS:**

Dean and Sam had just left. They had actually left the three of us on our own – incredible. Honestly, I hadn't thought that they would do that. They kinda always seemed like overprotective parents and not actually people who would just let other people minding their own business.

Okay, sure, to some degree I could understand why they were hesitant to just leave three minors on their own, but on the other hand we probably had a _huge_ advantage over any other minors without 'parental guidance and adult supervision'. Also, it wasn't as if we had no way to contact them... they did make sure to give each of us their numbers. Just in case.

Kinda cool of them.

Not that I would ever use that number. We had managed just fine this far without their help.

But what had been weird had been the way Dean had taken Aidan aside. Like, why Aidan and not me or Josephine? What was so important that Dean would tell it the only man in this house?

Please note the sarcasm. Aidan is very much not a man. He would be a boy at most – and that only if he were actually male. Like, sure, he had no problem being called male and boy and all that and he obviously still used he and so on, but he had actually confided to Josephine and I about half a year ago that he was actually non-binary. Josephine had just shrugged and I had given him a hug and that had been it.

Not that Dean would know. He probably wouldn't even ask an androgynous non-binary person for their pronouns. He just kinda seemed that type. Sam maybe if they were androgynous, but Dean? Nah, I couldn't really see that happening.

Not that Dean wasn't kind and openminded – he sure as hell had been a lot more open minded than any of us during this case with the vampires – but he was always kinda... trapped in his own world? That didn't really fit, but I couldn't think of any better way to describe the way that he would only ever see what he wanted to see and could be really... naive – which was _so_ weird for such an experienced hunter – otherwise.

Still, we were just carrying the last of our bags downstairs to put them into the car. Josephine had a drivers license and then we could just go and live on the road for some time. Depending on how much money we had, we would have to find small jobs along the way, but I am quite sure that things will work out.

Even if Josephine had already started complaining about Aidan and I flirting with each other. Which was kinda fair, since we had also teased her whenever she had started flirting with another person.

“Okay, queer-kids! Time to go!” Josephine called, put the last of our bags into the backseat and slamming the door closed. She and Aidan would sit in the front for the first part of the tour, then the next day Aidan and I would change seats. Josephine would have to be the sole driver until either Aidan or I could get our license.

“Wait – queer kids?” Aidan asked.

“Yeah. There's you, who's non-binary, Krissy who's skolio and me who's pan.” Josephine laughed. “I thought the name fit.”

“Huh. Okay then. Queer-kids it is!” Aidan grinned and turned around to wink at me.

I burst out laughing as well, as exhilaration flooded me. We were actually leaving! The engine rumbled to life and Aidan whooped. “Let's get this show started!” he exclaimed and turned the radio on.

Just watching the landscape shift the further we got and singing along to songs that came up on the radio was really relaxing. I had never noticed how much my mind had been occupied with getting revenge on the vamp that killed my dad until I had finally managed to murder him.

Also, knowing that I might have lost my dad, but that I had found this new family? It made the pain go away. Sure, just thinking about my dad still made my throat close up and tears well up, but it had gotten easier. I just knew, that if I needed to talk about it, Aidan and Josephine would definitely be there for me and help me through it. They always did.

“Okay, who's hungry?” Josephine asked, pulling me out of my thoughts. “There's a McD coming up in a few miles. I thought we could just stop for a minute, get some food and stretch and afterwards get back on the road. Also, I really need some coffee.”

“Sure, I could do with a burger,” I nodded.

“Fine with me. Hey, bet you ten dollars that the ice cream machine is broke,” Aiden joked and I rolled my eyes.

“Not gonna bet against _that_. I would really like to keep my money.”

“Same. Okay, so we're gonna go now.”

My stomach grumbled at the thought of greasy food. I blushed and Josephine and Aidan burst out laughing.

“Almost there,” Josephine assured me and burst out laughing again. My face burned.

“Haha, laugh it up,” I grumbled, but a grin broke free as well.

Whilst we had always had a lot of fun, it had never quite been this... happy and relaxed before. It kind of reminded me of the times when my dad would take me on a roadtrip. Sometimes he knew that he would be gone a longer time for a hunt and then he would pack our stuff and we would go on a roadtrip, complete with singing along on the radio, eating cheap diner food and just having fun. He would never let me participate in the hunt itself, but these were still fond memories. And I knew, that this roadtrip would become such a memory as well.

In the diner we each ordered a burger – Cheeseburger and cola for Aidan, Veggieburger and coffee for Josephine and Hamburger with Fanta for me. Also, we got ourselves two large fries, because nothing could beat McD's fries with their crispy salty-ness.

Afterwards we piled back into the car and just continued driving – no destination in mind, just driving for the sake of driving and exploring.

Three weeks into our roadtrip Aidan asked me on a date. Josephine squealed and I said 'yes' and we just continued on our way throughout America afterwards. A trio of the best friends I ever had.


	28. Bigender

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **SPOILER: S09E01  
>  CHARACTER: Hannah  
> WARNINGS: burning; the Fall; discussion of gender and sex; mentions of death and murder (nothing graphic); possession**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The dreaded Bigender chapter has arrived. If you've read the author's notes so far you'll know how much trouble I've had with these thousand words, so I hope you will appreciate them.
> 
> Getting to write ze/zir pronouns was actually really fun and I loved how they still had the connection to the feminine/female that I always associate Hannah with whilst still being neo-pronouns. Ze originated from the German "sie" (they are similarly pronounced) which means _she_ but it has become a gender-neutral pronoun over time as "ze". It's all very interesting and it just _fit_ for the Hannah I had in mind.
> 
> Again, this chapter targets the Fall with some graphic descriptions, so... take care of yourself!

Pain and fire were the most accurate descriptions of Falling.

Pain and fire and _burning_.

From one moment to another, they ze was in the air, zir wings flapping uselessly through the air, not even remotely hindering zir from Falling.

What at first seemed like wind grew hotter and sharper, cutting into zir face, taking zir view. Then zir wings _burned_.

It was only then that Hannah realized that ze was burning.

Every part of zir grace was crying out and through the shared bond between zir and all zir siblings Hannah could feel their pain as if it was zir own.

 _Are you okay?_ ze wanted to ask, but zir voice failed zir.

 _What is happening?_ ze wanted to ask.

_How do I stop this?_

Instead ze could only block zir connection. If ze wanted to even remotely have a chance at surviving this, ze would need to land safely. Due to the fact that zir wings were burning and useless, ze would need to try and use what Grace ze still possessed to try and influence zir Fall.

The blue and green shape of the Earth was coming up quicker and only now Hannah realized that ze was currently inside the Earth's hemisphere. It was no wonder that such an easily flammable thing such as zir wings were burning now.

It must be what Holy Oil felt like. All zir life, Hannah and the other angels had only ever been told to stay away from Holy Oil. Now ze knew why.

The pain was close to being unbearable, but ze just had to continue.

Ze had never been a particularly important angel and throughout the recent conflicts, most notably Castiel declaring himself God and starting a massacre among angels, Hannah's strategy – if it could even be called such – had been to stay silent and out of the way. Ze wasn't a fighter.

But now ze had to fight to stay alive.

It was an entirely foreign feeling, but surprisingly not a bad one. Not only bad at least. Instead there was determination burning through zir, stronger than the flames eating away at zir wings – or at what still remained of them.

Then the pain took over.

When Hannah next noticed something, it was a huge area with a lot of felled trees all around zir.

Ze slowly straightened zir Grace, thankful to notice that the burning seemed to have lessened, speaking no more of something that was still actively burning, but rather the ache that seemed left behind when something that had been burned started healing.

Back when ze had been a fledgeling ze had been told stories of other angels who had been burned with Holy Oil, loosing their wings forever. Now ze wasn't quite sure whether that was actually a true account, but the thought alone that ze might never be able to fly again sent zir Grace coiling up.

Another tree that had just hung on with the last few splinters of wood cracked and slowly fell towards the ground, landing with a dull thump.

Ah, yes, ze should probably start looking for a vessel.

Unlike some of zir siblings, Hannah didn't prefer zir vessels to have a specific gender. In fact, ze would have loved to actually have a vessel for once that had just all the parts that made humans human. It always seemed kind of like a loss that humans weren't more like snails who were both sexes at once.

Making it so that only certain humans could do certain things regarding procreation was just a bit of a design flaw, especially given the fact that some of their diseases were even weirdly sex-specific. What would humans do if they lost one sex completely due to one of these ailments?

For all that they were Father's favorite creation, they often just did not seem all that well thought out.

But it wasn't Hannah's job to question zir Father – that had been Lucifer's, at least until he Fell – so ze should rather spend zir time more wisely, looking for a vessel that would suit zir purposes.

At least zir Grace was still mostly intact and even though ze couldn't fly anymore due to... something – ze refused to look at them until ze hadn't calmed down from Falling – ze would still be capable of looking for a vessel.

This wasn't the time to be picky about choosing a vessel either. Hannah had worked within an administrative position in Heaven. Ze knew how many vessels and how many angels existed – at least before the Fall.

There weren't enough vessels on Earth. Not enough that were sturdy enough to contain lower class angels for long before burning out sooner or later at least.

At least there weren't many seraphims left over.

As it turned out, for once Hannah had had a stroke of luck – a phrase zir vessel's mind provided – since ze happened to stumble across a vessel in the town closest to the newly made clearing where ze had first landed on Earth.

Ze would have to make plans as for what ze should do next.

Probably find some of zir siblings. Try and keep as many of them safe whilst trying to find a way back into Heaven. Find who stole their wings and caused them to Fall.

But for now ze just stood on the street in a town in a country on Earth.

In the back of zir mind there was smoke. There were flames. There was pain.

Why had Father allowed this to happen? Who had thrown them out? Was this a punishment? What had ze done to deserve this? What had _they_ done to deserve this? Was this a punishment?

In the back of zir mind there were screams. In the back of zir mind there were prayers. In the back of zir mind were zir siblings dying.

How would ze find zir siblings? How could ze fight against somebody who was so clearly stronger than all the angels together? Who was strong enough to make them all Fall.

Screams.

They were clawing at zir. Scratching at zir coiled Grace, zir scorched wings.

They were zir siblings who even now were in pain.

Some were dead.

Some were dying.

Some were fighting over vessels. Killing over vessels. Already.

 _Are you okay?_ zir vessel asked and Hannah forced the soul – bright, bright, it was as bright as flames, as blue as the water when looking down to the Earth through the stratosphere, as calm as Heaven used to be – down.

Was ze okay?

Screams, pain, flames.

It didn't matter. Ze would find zir siblings.

They would be okay, they had to be okay.


	29. QPR

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **SPOILER:  
>  SHIP/CHARACTERS: Dean Winchester/Castiel  
> WARNINGS: alludes to sex; Sam's got a headache; coming out**

“Hey, Cas? You there?”

“What is the matter, Dean?”

“Well, you see, I might've run into a slight problem.”

“A slight problem? So you don't need me.”

“No! Wait, that might've come across the wrong way.”

Sam laid his head onto the book in front of him. This had been the sixth interruption is as many minutes and given the fact that he had a headache due to not getting any sleep last night, he was just about to explode at the two people he loved most. Which he really did not want to do. Even if they were constantly interrupting him.

“It's alright, Dean. I will be there in about a minute and half.”

“Great!”

Along with the newest shouts a new headache came along.

Not that Sam thought it was a bad thing that Castiel and his brother got along so well. In fact, he was _really_ glad about it, especially, since otherwise Sam had been about the only person Dean would ever let close. Well, other than Dad and Bobby, that was. But even with Dad... Dean may have obeyed, but even so they did not have a bond as close as the one between the two brothers.

Seriously, Sam knew that he was lucky to have Dean as his big brother, cause even though he might be emotionally stunted at times – or at least act like it – Dean still cared about Sam a lot and Sam certainly did appreciate that.

What he did not appreciate was the shouting. Each word would sent a new, throbbing wave through his head, leaving behind that pulsing, dull pain he already knew so well.

Slowly, after a minute without any sounds – _silence, oh, blessed silence_ – Sam lifted his head from the book.

He chanced a careful look around, nobody was anywhere near by, and let his head fall down again, the sound of his forehead hitting the soft pages the only sound he could hear.

Dean only knew him as a person who loved to read books – which wasn't quite wrong – but then there were times when he just didn't sleep or eat enough and all the letters would dance across the page which was suddenly way too bright to look at.

But lately Sam hadn't been getting enough sleep. He knew that, and would still know that, even if there wasn't a headache that was basically screaming at him about his bad life choices. Not unlike his back, now that he thought about it. And his neck. Damn those motel rooms.

Only this time, motel rooms weren't the reason for his lack of sleep. No, instead his _dear_ brother and friend had decided that they just had to have a movie marathon the whole night long.

And going by the energy with which they were shouting across the bunker, even that hadn't been enough to actually tire them out to the point where they would just... shut up.

Also, who actually needed to listen to the TV at that volume? If Sam didn't know better, he would assume that they were either partially deaf or... otherwise occupied. Which... actually wasn't all that unlikely.

Actually, his brother and friend had been spending a lot of time together. And only that morning they had casually touched often enough to be suspicious, looking back at it.

That would explain why there was another person Dean had let so easily into his life as well. Now he would only need to find a way to tell them that he already knew about their relationship and that they could stop trying to be stealthy.

Not that they were all that stealthy.

Maybe he should try and think about his wording first, before telling his brother something that he would woefully misinterpret which could only lead to disaster. Even if it wasn't their number one cause for anything that went wrong.

But this wasn't about him and Dean failing to communicate with each other every so often. No, this was about Cas and Dean.

“Cas! Can you come over here for just a second?”

Another shout, another headache.

He would talk with them tomorrow, Sam decided and lifted his head painstakingly from the book. For now he would just get himself some cold water and then go to bed.

Leaving the kitchen and the glass that had been filled with blessedly cool water behind, Sam ran into the people that had been shouting for most the day. Literally. Not only the shouting, but also the running into them.

Blearily glancing at the cause of his headache Sam saw the astonished look on Dean's face.

“Hm?”

“Dude, are you sick or something?”

“Wha–? No, no, I'm fine.”

“C'mon, Sammy...” Dean needled and Sam relented with a sigh.

“Got a slight headache,” he admitted, before stabbing at them with a finger. “Not that you two have been helping.”

“Wait, what? I mean, we left you kinda on your own the whole day, didn't we?” At Dean's questioning glance Cas nodded solemnly.

“Sure. Yes, you left me alone which I'm _very_ grateful for. But if you and your boyfriend cou–“

“Boyfriend?” Dean shouted, another dull pain slammed like a wedgehammer against his skull and he winced.

“Look, Dean, I don't care what you and Cas are up to – I really don't – but if you could just keep it down a bit?”

“Uh, yeah. Sure, will do. Sorry, dude.” At least his brother appeared to be a bit contrite.

“ _Thanks_.”

“No problem. But... you do know that Cas isn't my boyfriend?”

Sam raised an eyebrow.

“What? Why does nobody believe me?”

“I do believe it might be, because we share a more profound bond, Dean,” Castiel explained.

“Yeah, but that does not have to mean that we're together. Look, Sammy. I'm not gay – not that there's anything wrong with that –“

“And I am not male, Dean,” Cas interrupted.

“Not helping, dude.” Dean turned back towards Sam. “And Cas just isn't interested in anyone. ...What's the term again?”

“I am asexual and aromantic, whilst Dean is aromantic. Therefore we can not have a relationship as it is classified by society.”

“Uh, yeah, that.”

“I... wow. Thanks for sharing this with me, guys.”

“Yeah, yeah, whatever. Look, the thing is, Cas isn't quite like my brother _or_ my friend. And he definitely isn't my boyfriend. Okay? We're just... I got no idea what we are.”

“Two people with an emotional connection that surpasses other bonds, platonic, sexual or romantic and therefore shouldn't be defined with such terms.”

“Let's go with that.” 

“Okay,” Sam interrupted them with a slight smile. “Not that I'm not glad that you've told me about your bond or whatever, but I really do have a headache, so if I could just... go to sleep or something?”

“Oh, yeah, sure.” Dean stepped aside to let Sam through. “Good night, bitch!”

“Stop. Yelling. Dean.”

“Will do!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so for those of you who don't know this: is QPR is a relationship that isn't romantic and/or sexual or some kind of relationship that doesn't fall into these categories whilst also not being a friendship. It is mainly a term used for asexual and/or aromantic people, but everybody could be in a QPR, no matter your orientation. Partners in a QPR usually refer to each other as a Zucchini (which is super cute in my opinion), so they would say "this is my zucchini Cas" instead of "this is my girlfriend/boyfriend/enbyfriend/partner/whatever other term you use to refer to your datefriend Cas".
> 
> I feel a bit sorry for Sam in this one, but anybody who's got siblings will understand his pain, so there's that xD
> 
> Also, this is the second to last chapter and I'm really exited but also kind of sad that this will be over so soon.
> 
> The last chapter will include artwork, so you can look forward to that (this time a mix between the Charlie style and the Cas style), but I'm still writing at it and am currently only at about 500 words, so let's see whether it'll get to 1k xP


	30. Pride Parade

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **SPOILER:  
>  CHARACTERS: Team Free Will  
> WARNINGS:**

There was something so very joyous about all those people surrounding him. They were laughing and celebrating and it was all so scintillating.

Strangers were hugging and shouting and smiling and laughing. Some had tears on their cheeks but no trace of sorrow in their faces.

It was a truly wondrous scene and Castiel couldn't help but feel enraptured.

Still, every once in a while there would flicker a hint of gloom, a slight of a dark shadow on a person's face which was sure to jostle Castiel back into the reality of the history of this celebration.

That it hadn't always been a celebration. That it still wasn't purely a celebration.

Instead it was an uprising. It was a shout of protest. It was the will of an entire group of people to be free, to be... equal.

Castiel loved humanity. He had fallen for humanity. But he knew that humanity wasn't perfect. There were imperfections, faults, slight cracks in the beautiful shimmer of diversity that was humanity. And those cracks would spread at times, tinting everything in gray, breaking away beautiful patches of the mural that was humanity as a whole.

And he knew that behind every smiling face there was such a person that had to battle against this rising gray tide, that had to fight to stay afloat.

Some of these people had been kicked out of their homes.

Some of these people had been disowned.

Some of these people had been harassed.

Some of these people had been beaten.

Some of these people weren't standing in this parade because the tide had dragged them under, swallowing them up in their hatred.

But even though so many of these people had faced all these difficulties, they were still in that parade, they were still laughing and just _celebrating_ the fact that they were still there. That they had made it this far. That it was okay to be different, that it was okay to be yourself.

He knew that some people would walk away from this parade with numbers in their pockets, a new best friend and with luck with some new hope to continue being themselves.

“You okay, Cas?” Dean asked at his side and as Castiel looked over at him, he saw the way his eyes shimmered and even there he could see the sheer spirit of the parade. After some debate Dean had agreed to let Sam paint his flags on his cheeks and they were now wrinkled with a smile.

“I... yes.” Because 'okay' did not come even close to how he was feeling. This was wondrous, amazing, awe-inspiring. There was nothing quite as the human soul. And if a soul was as content as these souls were... it was truly inspiring and not a feeling one could describe with words.

The paint on his nose tickled as sweat soaked into it due to the sun shining brightly above.

Castiel smiled.

“How about we go over there and buy ourselves some snacks?” Sam asked and Dean's head snapped around, staring at his brother.

“Wait! _You_ are thinking about buying some snacks? You?” The older brother laughed incredously. “I never thought I would see that day coming...”

“Well, they've got those rainbow stripes, you know the ones you once bought me for my birthday...? So, I just thought that they might be fitting,” Sam explained with a slight blush on his face.

“Oh, those! How could I ever forget... Sure, I'll buy you another one of those!” Dean turned and grabbed both of them by their arms. “Do you want anything as well, Cas?”

“I don't – wait... are those honey roasted almonds? … I'll take some of those please, Dean.” Dean nodded and turned towards the man manning the stand.

As they wandered away again, turning back into the masses, each held a snack of their choice in their hands and Cas was animatedly telling them about how it was actually good for bees to collect honey and about how this helped bees to impact the environment positively.

Sam and Dean were both listening intently and sometimes offering up some facts or questions of their own.

This... just all of the things that were surrounding Cas were a celebration. A celebration of identity, a celebration of love, a celebration of family in a sense. And even though Cas had never struggled with his identity the same way many humans did – he had known that God had created him this way and that God did not see any of these identities as a sin, however many people said and believed otherwise – it was still a place for others to come to the same realization that this was okay. That there were others.

He saw a man with a white t-shirt that was offering 'Dad Hugs' and shortly contemplated sending Sam and Dean over towards him.

He saw a young child – they may have only been eight – holding the hands of two men, both with rings on their hands.

He saw a young woman who was waving around a trans flag, grinning brightly as she saw a friend in the crowd.

He saw and old man with a rainbow pin on his shirt who was watching the scene with tears in his eyes, a ring on his finger but he was standing on his own.

He saw two young girls who were leaning over to kiss the third girl in their middle on the cheek, upon which the third girl blushed and giggled.

He saw two boys stealing glances at one another, both suddenly shying away whenever the other glanced in their direction.

He saw a middle aged woman with bright purple hair dancing with her partner, whose hand was clasping hers tightly.

He saw Dean flirt with a woman who had the pan flag painted across her nose, similar to Castiel's own flag.

He saw a gaggle of college aged kids, one of which was complaining about 'all that love in the air, save me' whilst laughing with their friends, who were teasing them about being 'too aro to survive in this world'.

He saw all the hope those people held for the future and he just knew that things would turn out right eventually.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is it!
> 
> Thank you all so much for all the support that this story has gotten! Whether you just read this for the first time or whether you've read each chapter the day it came out (gosh, that was a lame pun xD), I appreciate the sheer fact that you made it this far.
> 
> Pride Month may be over, but just remember that you're allowed to celebrate who you are every day of the year.
> 
> ~~Feel free to leave some kudos, comments and/or bookmarks if you liked any of this!~~


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